Sexytime Reunion With Andrew Breitbart, and Other Sad CPAC Stories

Our secret boyfriend Andrew Breitbart was already blackout drunk and partially undressed when we found him stumbling around the bedbug infested lobby of the Washington Marriott. What other terrible things transpired at this terrible conference?

Oh hooray, it's an Abolish the Federal Reserve tea bag bonnet, circa 2008! That was a good year for hats.

At some point in the afternoon The Donald arrived -- who knows exactly when, there is no such thing as Time at CPAC -- and man, he sure was grumpy! (The wonderful Liz Glover tried to cheer Donald up by chasing him around the hotel while shouting questions about Egypt and golf resorts.) Actually, the entire Washington Lamestream Media Establishment hounded Trump like a wild pack of feral beasts, and everyone became horribly flustered and nearly died. CNN reports:

Donald Trump's last minute decision to appear Thursday at the Conservative Political Action Conference in Washington managed, for a few bizarre minutes, to transform a handful of otherwise discerning political journalists into crazed pack of humanity scrambling around a Washington hotel for the brief chance to speak to the real estate mogul and reality TV star who, for yet another election cycle, is professing to be serious about running for president.

...

After milling about for nearly an hour because Trump was late landing at Dulles Airport in Virginia, the press pack was suddenly informed that the man of the hour was "one minute away" and that he would take questions in a lobby near the front entrance of a separate hotel tower.

Off the reporters and CNN photographers went, cramming into a small elevator to head downstairs and then zooming across the sprawling hotel to meet Trump as he arrived to bask in the glow of some early, and perhaps unrealistic, presidential buzz.

The directive to set up in the lobby, though, was apparently incorrect - no one was told why - and the reporters were sent back up the hallway from whence they came to wait in a different lobby. Wrong again. The press then trekked back and forth down the same corridor two more times as GOProud staffers and security provided conflicting directions, with Trump en route.

So much Drama!

And then we saw James O'Keefe, sans dildo jar -- Allah is merciful. But that's enough story time for right now.

Haha, we quit, goodbye.

Thank you to yoga lady and videographer extraordinaire Liz Glover for the photographs!