Greetings Earthlings! You are a person with an asshole and an opinion, and you would like to write for yr Wonkette! This is how you do it. DON'T ... send a letter to kaili at wonkette dot com that says "I am a writer and would like to write for you on the topic of your choice. Here is not a link to anything I have ever written, because I am stupid and didn't include links to stuff I have written."
I think I'll audition with an excerpt from my unauthorized biography, "Mitt Romney, Mor-man than Machine - A Look at the Lighter Side of Mitt". In it I explore Romney's little known sense of humor, his many facial expressions and his many love of things. The reader gets to see Mitt as a lifelike humanoid that has feeling and can respond to various stimuli.
We explore Mitt outside of the political arena where we can see him sitting, standing and in fact, assuming all of the standard positions. This is a Romney you've never seen before, perhaps laughing at a humorous statement made by another individual who said something witty that one time or crying at the thought of some harsh event that occurs in the lives of other humans from time to time for no apparent reason. And yes, we talk about his genitals.
We go inside Mitt Romney to expose all of the sentiment and humanity that you could possibly imagine a fellow carbon-based life-form would have. I'll send off a sample and maybe you could let me know what you think.
I'd love to write funny things for wonket. KTHXBYE
Get it? It's META because you don't allow comments, and I'm doing it all wrong, and stuff, plus pithy? Nailed it! Good one, right? You can't appreciate good humor, then.
If I had the proper amounts of motivation to do things like this, I probably wouldn't be posting wonket uncomments from the command center of my chair-centric career.
Several of my cats love walking on my computer's keyboard and I could probably leave a word writing thingie up so it would capture 'kat text'.
I know it would be gibberish but I could use a little help paying for cat litter.
I dunno. You might get better results recruiting from Breitbart or Free Republic. Their shit is funnier by accident than most other writers are on purpose.
Or you can just be a lazy bastard like me and send the Editorix money and her minion a liquor stipend for sponsored content, a.k.a., The Fartknocker Report.
Does this work like the old <a href="https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Vantage_Press" target="_blank">Vantage Press</a>, where you pay to get your work published?
If so, count me in! I&#039;ve always had that restless urge to write.
Karen Blixen libel!
Who&#039;s pen is mightier?
I think I&#039;ll audition with an excerpt from my unauthorized biography, &quot;Mitt Romney, Mor-man than Machine - A Look at the Lighter Side of Mitt&quot;. In it I explore Romney&#039;s little known sense of humor, his many facial expressions and his many love of things. The reader gets to see Mitt as a lifelike humanoid that has feeling and can respond to various stimuli.
We explore Mitt outside of the political arena where we can see him sitting, standing and in fact, assuming all of the standard positions. This is a Romney you&#039;ve never seen before, perhaps laughing at a humorous statement made by another individual who said something witty that one time or crying at the thought of some harsh event that occurs in the lives of other humans from time to time for no apparent reason. And yes, we talk about his genitals.
We go inside Mitt Romney to expose all of the sentiment and humanity that you could possibly imagine a fellow carbon-based life-form would have. I&#039;ll send off a sample and maybe you could let me know what you think.
I&#039;d love to write funny things for wonket. KTHXBYE
Get it? It&#039;s META because you don&#039;t allow comments, and I&#039;m doing it all wrong, and stuff, plus pithy? Nailed it! Good one, right? You can&#039;t appreciate good humor, then.
If I had the proper amounts of motivation to do things like this, I probably wouldn&#039;t be posting wonket uncomments from the command center of my chair-centric career.
&quot;Dear Wonkette, I never thought this would happen to me....&quot;
recipe blog, also too
Oh Yes! As in the average male dolphin, they are fully retractable, but they are there.
That comment seems to have a Marxist slant, so it should work in your favor.
Several of my cats love walking on my computer&#039;s keyboard and I could probably leave a word writing thingie up so it would capture &#039;kat text&#039;.
I know it would be gibberish but I could use a little help paying for cat litter.
More exposure dollars than you can spend!
The greats are the ones who follow up by editing sober. Wait ... how did we get off-topic?
&quot;you are probably going to be unpleasant in the secret chatcave, which is all about NICENESS (and blowjob jokes).&quot;
I&#039;m very offended. I&#039;ll have you know, I take blowjobs VERY seriously. Handjobs, however, are hysterical.
Working for Wonkette? $$$$$ ka-ching, ka-ching! amirite?
I dunno. You might get better results recruiting from Breitbart or Free Republic. Their shit is funnier by accident than most other writers are on purpose.
Or you can just be a lazy bastard like me and send the Editorix money and her minion a liquor stipend for sponsored content, a.k.a., The Fartknocker Report.
Does this work like the old <a href="https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Vantage_Press" target="_blank">Vantage Press</a>, where you pay to get your work published?
If so, count me in! I&#039;ve always had that restless urge to write.