Someone Named 'Mitch Daniels' Gets 16 Stitches In Head

Nobody was too upset when Mitch Daniels announced yesterday that he wasn't running for president, because who is Mitch Daniels even? Another old random Republican guy who was perhaps going to "throw his hat in the ring" or whatever they say on the Wolf Blitzer show. But there was some kind of entity very upset when Mitch Daniels refused to run for and then lose the campaign for the GOP nomination: a door. This door is Mitch Daniels' biggest (and only) fan, so when Mitch said "No," the door said, "BLAM-O." (And does Mitch Daniels always do the "jackoff" motion with his hand, while giving speeches? It's different, at least!)

This is what CBS News is reporting:  

"Governor Mitch Daniels received 16 stitches to his forehead Friday afternoon after an accident at the National Institute for Fitness and Sport in Indianapolis," the governor's office said in a statement to CBS News. "As he concluded a workout at about 1: 30 p.m., he was standing near a door. The door suddenly swung open and struck the governor in the forehead."

Okay okay, CBS was not reallyreportingthat so much as copy-and-pasting Mitch Daniels' own press release. But we have learned some important things, namely that Mitch Daniels lives in Indiana, where he is apparently the governor there. Who knew? We wonder if he is "buddies" with the other famous Indiana people, such as ... David Letterman? And the Indianapolis 500. Did you know he divorced and then remarried his wife/ex-wife? That must've been creepy.

When will that gas-wasting car race be canceled to help the environment? Maybe Mitch Daniels will get to work on this problem, once he recovers from being beat up by a door. [ CBS News ]