Sorry Ladies, Super Sexy Sexxxter Todd Kincannon Is Off the Market

Good news, Wonkanovas! It seems that being a perv who enjoys sending unsolicited pics of your block-and-tackle to any woman who so much as looks at you is no impediment to finding a hot young thang to settle down with! This is a relief to yr lonely-hearted blogger, who will shortly sext every woman in our contact list a fuzzy shot of our own Lil’ Wonkette. Except you, Mom.

We are speaking of our old friend and former executive director of the South Carolina GOP Todd Kincannon. This weekend Todd took a break from his usual daily activities, like wishing for the death of former soldiers whose political positions differ from his own or positing that a murdered teenager would have become a pole-smoking crack whore if he had not been tried, convicted, and executed on the spot for the crime of carrying a bottle of Snapple in the wrong neighborhood, in order to enter into holy matrimony with what appears to be a real, live human female.

Todd’s bride is one Ashely Griffith Kincannon of Columbia, South Carolina. We cannot tell you anything about Ashely other than she is 23, likes skinny jeans, and is not easily nauseated. No word on how she and Todd met, but it would be irresponsible of us not to speculate! So we will assume the star-crossed lovers found each other when Hot Toddy, while trolling Facebook in search of coeds who might have a strong gag reflex, came across Ashely’s profile and immediately emailed her a picture of his meat-and-two-veg.

Well as yr Wonkette’s father likes to say, there is a lid for every pot. We are always pleased to see a couple of crazy kids take the plunge (our own exes/unrequited crushes excepted because fuck her SHE STOMPED ON OUR HEART AND WE ARE A BROKEN SHELL OF A MAN NOW HELEN ARE YOU HAPPY???) And of course these are dark times for opposite-sex marriage, what with the threat that gay folks getting hitched poses to the institution in a handful of states (and nationally soon, if the Supreme Court decides to drag our country into the twenty-first century.) So Mazel Tov to the Kincannons for getting in under the wire! If someone tells us where they are registered, we will use some of our Wonkette Ameros to buy them a wedding gift. You can never have too many white sheets around the house.

[ Todd Kincannon's Hawt Twitter Feed ]