Sorry To All The Dead Rich People Who Won't Get Buried On The Moon!
Navajo who protested plan for 30 years get the last laugh.
In very tragic news that you definitely shouldn’t laugh at at all, the remains of more than 70 dead people who paid (or whose friends or family paid) upwards of $13,000 each to be shot to the moon has exploded in space, as the rocket meant to drop them off there hit a bit of a snag on the way up.
Luckily, it seems unlikely that any of them will notice the difference.
The Peregrine mission was meant to be the first US mission to the moon since 1972, though its purpose was not so much scientific exploration as giving some rich people, including science fiction writer Arthur C. Clarke, the fanciest burial of all time. It carried not astronauts, but “memorial capsules carrying cremated remains and DNA will remain on the lunar surface as a permanent tribute to the intrepid souls who never stopped reaching for the stars.”
Launched on January 8, the Peregrine mission was doomed from the start. Astrobotic, the company that launched it, announced merely a day after it took off that it would not successfully make it to the moon due to a fuel leak. It continued its journey up into the ether for 10 days before heading back down, burning through the sky (That’s why they … nevermind) somewhere off the coast of Australia, in the South Pacific. Along with the cremains of 70 rich people, the lunar lander contained DNA, “packaged trinkets, plaques and a bitcoin,” because of course there would be a bitcoin.
The mission was conducted in a partnership with NASA and Celestis, the company that sold people the promise of being dropped off on the moon after they die.
CNN reports that the “failed mission is a setback for Astrobotic and NASA, whose overall goal is to create a stable of commercially developed, relatively cheap lunar landers capable of completing robotic missions to the moon as the space agency works toward a crewed lunar landing later this decade.”
As someone who needs approximately 67 Ativans to even pry herself onto a plane, I can’t say I see the appeal for those who are not yet dead, but differences make the world go round.
Some of us may consider this a victory for the Navajo, who have been protesting this plan for the last 30 years.
Buu Nygren, president of the Navajo Nation, issued a statement two weeks ago, addressing the White House and asking them to bar it from going forward, on account of the fact that they consider the moon sacred and therefore not an appropriate place for a burial ground.
“The sacredness of the moon is deeply embedded in the spirituality and heritage of many Indigenous cultures, including our own,” Buu Nygren. “The placement of human remains on the moon is a profound desecration of this celestial body revered by our people. This act disregards past agreements and promises of respect and consultation between NASA and the Navajo Nation, notably following the Lunar Prospector mission in 1998.”
And it failed. So what does that tell you? Hmm?
In recent years, multiple billionaires like Elon Musk and Jeff Bezos have been independently trying to get to the moon, and we can only assume that this setback will make them more determined than ever to accomplish their mission.
We believe in you, billionaires!
Appended for legal reasons:
CORRECTION: Apparently there was some sciencing to be done — but for the record, unless there is something on the moon that is going to get people healthcare, housing and food (and we know it’s not made of cheese), I truly do not care and I think it’s weird to spend money on it.
Traditional trickster figure Coyote didn't respond to press inquiries about possible intervention on behalf of the Navajo people, but did smile knowingly while miming a flicking motion with his thumb and forefinger.
Not mentioned in Robyn's excellent article is the fact that there was some of JFK's DNA aboard - a lock of his hair. To which I can only say that if we are going to start launching Kennedy DNA into space we ought to start with RFK Jr.