Step Right Up! Trump's Crypto Scam Is Live!
No refunds!
Hey suckers, are you not satisfied with only buying Trump shoes, Trump watches, Trump Chinese-printed Bibles, or Melania’s jewelry? Step right up because Trump’s new cryptocurrency thing, World Liberty Financial tokens (aka $WLFI ), just launched Tuesday! With a wet fart noise, a website that crashed multiple times, and not many buyers. And a “gold paper” with some new details and hilarious disclaimers that boil down to look, we are just gonna take your money.
The details before were vague, but now that it’s launched, well, it sounds even scammier than it did before!
BEFORE!
There really are tokens, Trump-branded Ethereum ERC-20 tokens, to be exact. But buyers in the US can’t actually buy or sell the tokens, or transfer them, because the wet blankets over at the Securities and Exchange Commission are a bunch of joyless nags who demand that “Regulation D” securities only be sold to accredited investors.
So the “gold paper” says in giant all-caps at the top:
THE TOKENS ARE NOT AVAILABLE FOR U.S. PERSONS AND ARE ONLY AVAILABLE FOR PERSONS OUTSIDE OF THE UNITED STATES. THE TOKENS HAVE NOT BEEN REGISTERED WITH ANY U.S. OR OTHER AUTHORITY AND MAY NOT BE OFFERED OR SOLD IN THE UNITED STATES.
Instead, if you’re in the US, say the terms and conditions, your non-investment buys rights to participate in the “WLF Governance Platform.”
The disclaimer is frank:
You should think of your purchase of Tokens like other non-refundable purchases of goods and services and accept the risk that once you’ve paid the purchase price, your interest in the Token may decline and you have no expectation of resale of the Token.
The platform is offering 20 billion tokens, so each one you buy (but don’t actually buy buy) will get you a one-in-20-billionth of a say in “protocol upgrades, technical changes, promotional partnerships, and oversight of security risks.” Oh boy!
But hey, only 2 percent of the tokens have been sold so far, so if you ACT NOW you can get an even-stronger 0.00000000000001 percent of a vote on if the company should update its software or not! Did we mention yet that there are no refunds?
It’s like Itchy and Scratchy money, but without the fun!
The company is registered in Delaware as DT Marks DeFi LLC, which seems a little too on the nose. In exchange for using their likenesses for promotion, Trump, the choads who set it up for him, and his fug sons will get 22.5 billion of World Liberty Financial’s governance tokens — 22.5 percent of its total supply — and 75 percent of net revenues from the protocol.
Only 9,409 wallet addresses signed up to buy it as of Wednesday, and World Liberty Financial says it has sold 532 million tokens at $0.015. That’s a little short of the $300 million worth of sales they’d estimated, but hey, that’s almost $8 million bucks! Somebody’s gotta keep Poppy in foundation and shoe lifts, so why not you?
Where’s this money coming from? It’s crypto, so, nobody knows! The World Liberty Financial website is registered by Namecheap, a website registrar that outsources domain privacy services to Withheld for Privacy. Withheld for Privacy, a service based in Iceland set up in 2021 by Sergio Raygoza Hernandez, a Mexican living in the United States, was linked in 2021 to Russian ransomware attacks. And Namecheap has been accused of links to malicious actors. Which does not make WLF guilty by association, but it’s also odd that a red-blooded American company wouldn’t use GoDaddy or Network Solutions.
The blockchain app was built by Trump’s new business partners, Zachary Folkman and Chase Herro, and is called Dough Finance. D’oh! This July, that app was hacked, and $2.1 million got extracted. What a deal!
Zachary Folkman’s experience includes having registered a company called Date Hotter Girls LLC, which posted seminars on YouTube on how to pick up women, “Date Hotter Girls: Better, Faster & Easier.” (“You’re going to be ripping their clothes off and throwing them up against the wall,” he promises.) But it also includes better experience, like selling a nonrefundable $2,000 ecommerce training course while being $77,000 in credit card debt.
Chase Herro (which he spells “Hero” for his podcast) calls himself “the dirtbag of the Internet,” and has spent time in prison for theft and dealing weed. He pushed a $149-a-month get-rich-quick club, sold weight-loss colon cleanses, and ran an advertising business using fake Facebook accounts. As a podcaster he touts get-rich-quick schemes online such as “From Broke to Millionaire in 14 Days,” though he’s left a trail of nonpayment lawsuits and unpaid taxes from California to Puerto Rico. But crypto apparently helped him turn the whole thing around, and he started hosting seminars with Jordan Belfort, the penny-stock scammer played by Leonardo DiCaprio in The Wolf of Wall Street, for $40,000 a seat.
But maybe after years of get-rich-quick-schemes, this is the one that will make you rich. And quick!
SOME CONDITIONS APPLY.
Ugh.
I need food. Why is fooding so hard? If I cannot even food, how will I ever adult?
So probably an outright scam, but also maybe a backchannel for massive illegal activity where the Family gets a cut of every transaction even the ones that aren't direct deposits into the their accounts.
But let's talk some more about the Biden crime family, shall we?