Study: Men Who Want #Tradwives Actually Just Hate Women Altogether, Including The #Tradwives
Maybe once they have their robot sex maids, they'll leave us all alone?
Over the last several years, many conservative women have started to embrace the #tradwife lifestyle — at least on the internet. This means, generally, leaving their 9-to-5s and making a fuckton of money baking sourdough and talking in TikTok videos about how much they just love obeying their husbands, whilst dressed like either Donna Reed or Laura Ingalls Wilder. There are also those who, with no financial incentive, have decided to either start living or aim for living that lifestyle themselves — at least until they find out that it generally does not end well if you’re not actually making some serious “fuck you (ultimately terrible husband)” money along with it.
So, naturally, someone decided to do a study! A few studies, actually. The feminist scientific journal Psychology of Women Quarterly recently put out a whole issue centered entirely on the #tradwife phenomenon, and it is fascinating.
One study examined the irony of the fact that tradwife influencers very often become the actual breadwinners in their families. (Though the truly disturbing takeaway from that one was that a “content analysis of 250 TikTok posts from top White women influencers indicated 42.4% of videos included traditional gender role prescriptions, and nearly all posts (89.2%) invoked the past either through statements, music, or imagery.” YIKES. I really, really hope that includes makeup tutorials.) Another found that the more successful a woman is, the more likely she is to be deemed a bad mother, and that women often fear being ambitious because they do not want to be labeled as bad mothers. In China, anyway, but probably also here.
But the one we are going to look at today is Ambivalent Sexism Theory as a Framework for Understanding Men’s Attitudes About the #Tradwife Movement, which found that men who want tradwives don’t actually like women all that much. Could I have told you that? Obviously. You could also have told me that. But there’s a lot more to it.
For those of you who don’t remember your women’s studies classes, Ambivalent Sexism Theory is the idea that there are two primary forms of sexism — hostile sexism, which the study defines as being “characterized by overtly negative feelings and attributions toward women as well as beliefs that women seek to humiliate men and undermine men’s power by using sexuality” and benevolent sexism, which the study explained “is a more subtle and patronizing form of sexism that expresses adoration, paternalism, and reverence toward women who conform to gender-role norms.” There are three main facets of benevolent sexism — protective paternalism (men have to take care of women because we are delicate flowers), complementary gender differentiation (belief in distinct gender roles), and heterosexual intimacy (the idea that a man is incomplete without a romantic relationship with a woman).
The researchers initially believed that the study would show that those most into the tradwife thing would be those who scored highest on protective paternalism — but no! It was the those who tended more towards hostile sexism who were really into it.
What I found particularly interesting was that men who identified as more liberal were more likely to have simply heard about tradwives than were men who were more conservative, politically and religiously. It does make sense, though, when you think about it. Liberal men are more likely to engage with content like this, or to talk to women who have thoughts on the whole thing. On the other side, there isn’t actually all that much crossover between the manosphere and the tradwife…osphere? Generally speaking, when women do appear on their podcasts, they are there to be mocked as stupid, as insufficiently attractive, or, for female conservative guests, being “just as bad” as evil feminists. They don’t have the trad ladies on to talk about their sourdough baking or even their ideas about gender roles, because what their audience wants is to see women being humiliated.
The only facet of benevolent sexism for which there was a notable correlation with a positive view of tradwives was, interestingly, heterosexual intimacy. On the face of it, that’s kind of the least offensive version, right? Like, people feeling like they need to have a romantic partner to have a complete life isn’t that weird. People of all genders and sexual orientations can feel that way.
But I do think I know why that occurred, and I’d actually like to see the data on men who scored high on both hostile sexism and heterosexual intimacy to see if I’m right. Men who tend to be the most overtly angry at women are frequently incel-types with a tendency to both idealize relationships with women and also demonize women in and of themselves. They frequently talk about how “it’s over” because they didn’t have a perfect high school romance and lament seeing happy couples, while at the same time talking about how women are evil and disgusting.
So I would think that the appeal of this lifestyle to the “hostile sexists” would have a lot to do with their ideas about obtaining and keeping women. Many of these types believe that the fruits of second-wave feminism — the sexual revolution and the expansion of women in the workforce — are the reasons they cannot get a date.
Basically, because women don’t have to worry as much about getting pregnant and because they are economically independent, women have relationships out of want rather than need. Also, because they are working, they often put off marriage and kids until they are a little more established in their careers. This is all very good for women, but bad for men who seem to believe they have nothing to contribute other than economic security and, I suppose, abject misery, given how deeply unpleasant they tend to be.
Then you have the other “hostile sexist” types who imagine women just marry men to spend all of their money and then take it in a no-fault divorce and then never let them see their children again. And the other other “hostile sexists” who are very mad that they have to work with women at their jobs. (They are, of course, frequently all the same guy.)
This, outside of the idea of having a supermodel sex maid nanny therapist cheerleader, is why the traditional gender roles thing is appealing to them. They want women to have to scramble to get married while they are young, for fear they will be left destitute due to lack of economic opportunity. They want to eliminate no fault divorce for the same reason. I don’t know why they so desperately want to be married to someone who is only there because they have to be, but they do. Probably because they think women are all interchangeable NPCs.
Another particularly interesting finding in the study was that a lot of the men had some pretty yikes ideas about the “appeal” of tradwifery.
For example, one participant characterized the tradwife lifestyle as one that “comes naturally” to women. Similarly, another participant stated that the tradwife lifestyle is appealing to some women because they “get to fully embrace being a woman.” And a third participant explained, “Some women crave the focus on homemaking and child-rearing without career stress.” Building on these points, one participant referenced a higher power when explaining that women are predisposed to caretaking roles:
“[The tradwife lifestyle is appealing] because it gives women the place she was truly made for. God made women for men and not men for women. Idk it’s just a very special thing for a man to be respected and also loved by a woman that takes on being a #tradwife.” A different participant likewise highlighted the benefits of the tradwife lifestyle for men in his response: “...it’s always good to have a wife who will just be there for you with unconditional love when you come home from a long day at work.” Similarly, another participant explained that the tradwife lifestyle “makes life more comfortable” for men by ensuring that after a “long hard day at work you come back to a clean home with dinner and your wife.”
Yeah, it seems like a lot of these fellas have not spent a lot of time engaging with human women. That makes a fair amount of sense when you consider that this study only included men ages 20-29 — men who may have spent a significant portion of their lives with this toxic manosphere shit. They start on it so young now that many of them have heard all about how women are evil and stupid and need to obey men before they’re even old enough to date. Then they end up angry because, weirdly, most girls don’t want to date men who believe women are evil and stupid and need to obey men.
There is a lesson in this study for the tradwives and aspiring tradwives as well. The researchers also found that a lot of these men were also quite derisive of the tradwives because they thought they were just lazy and didn’t want to work or because they were seen as just following a trend. This is not a surprise, on account of how they hate women and do not see us as people. They want someone to cook and clean for them, look at them adoringly, fuck them and raise their children. And do Pilates. Yeah, they have a whole weird thing about Pilates. Part of the reason we do see so many women leaving the tradwife lifestyle in horror is because of the fact that men who hate women do not usually treat women very well.
There isn’t anything wrong with wanting to stay home to raise your kids if you have the financial ability to do so. There also isn’t anything wrong with not working if you don’t even have kids and have the financial ability to do so (and the financial ability to leave if you need to). There’s nothing inherently bad about “caregiving” or “homemaking” except for the men who see it as something they are owed, rather than something they should also be doing.
If you’re going to be a pick-me, at least be a pick-me for men who don’t actually hate you.
"Maybe once they have their robot sex maids, they'll leave us all alone?"
Fun fact: No. They won't.
"Robot Sex Maids" sound like the name of a punk band from the 80s...