Sugar Daddy Harlan Crow Reveals Even More Private Jet Flights He Gave Clarence Thomas
Just because he likes Clarence's company, we're sure, AND NO OTHER REASON.
At this point, we are pretty sure that Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas has spent more time flying around on Harlan Crow’s private jet than Harlan Crow has.
We say this because of a new Senate report that revealed three additional flights Thomas took on his good friend’s plane that — oopsie! — he forgot to note on his financial disclosure forms. Also, imagine sarcastic air quotes the size of a small Latin American nation around the word “forgot” in that sentence.
Harlan Crow’s lawyer revealed the flights to Democrats from the Senate Judiciary Committee who are investigating the extent of gifts that rich people, particularly Crow, have been giving Clarence Thomas so that he will stay on the Court and do shit like outlaw nature and order all women be confined to milking barns to serve as breeding chattel.
As part of the investigation, the committee had actually subpoenaed Harlan Crow, which made him mad because he’s a rich guy who doesn’t think he has to justify buying the loyalty of public officials. At least that is our takeaway from ProPublica’s story on the new discoveries:
Crow’s office said in a statement that he gave the senators information covering the past seven years and that the committee “agreed to end its probe with respect to Mr. Crow.”
“Despite his serious and continued concerns about the legality and necessity of the inquiry, Mr. Crow engaged in good faith with the Committee,” the statement said.
Oh, let us help you out here, Harlan. Clarence Thomas is one of the most powerful public servants in America. There are ethics rules that public servants have to follow. These rules are in place so that grotesquely wealthy weirdos such as yourself cannot use your money to advance your interests at the expense of the interests of the overall general welfare of the American people. Public servants can lose their jobs and even be prosecuted for violating those rules. When allegations of rule-breaking are made, a public authority such as the Senate Judiciary Committee may be empowered to investigate them, even if it inconveniences you specifically or costs money in lawyer fees that you might have otherwise used to purchase Hitler’s swastika-emblazoned dopp kit. We hope that helps!
Harlan Crow Collects Nazi Memorabilia, Hitler’s Crayon Drawings Because He Hates Nazis So Very Much
But if you’re doling out money, Wonkette also takes donations. We’ll bet we’re way funnier than Clarence Thomas. We won’t even ask for a ride on your Bombardier Global 5000, we’ll just ask for the $10,000 per hour it costs to fly it.
ProPublica tells us that the purpose of these three newly discovered trips is unknown. One occurred in May 2017, when Crow’s jet flew Thomas from St. Louis, where he was giving a speech, up to Glacier National Park in Montana for a couple of days. Which we hear is a lovely place to visit.
Another flight happened in March of 2019, when Crow’s jet apparently flew Thomas from Washington DC to his hometown of Savannah, Georgia. Probably he was checking up on his mother, who lives rent-free in Thomas’s childhood home because Crow bought it to turn into a museum someday, and Thomas presumably loves his mother. He at least seems to love her more than some of the other members of his family, like the nephew he raised for a few years, shipped off to boarding school when the kid became a bit of a time suck, and then cut off completely when he started having some problems with the legal system instead of recommending a good lawyer. Presumably Thomas knows a few of those.
Maybe if the nephew had owned a private jet, Thomas would have been more forgiving.
The third newly revealed trip happened in June of 2021, when Crow’s jet flew Thomas from the East Coast to San Jose, California, then turned around and flew back the same day. We don’t know what that one could have been about. If he was going to smoke cigars with Harlan and his buddies at Bohemian Grove, the Charles M. Schulz Airport in Santa Rosa is much closer.
The reason we mention this is because ProPublica could not find a record of any nearby public appearances Thomas made around the dates of those last two flights, so he doesn’t even have the fig leaf of “I was going to speak at a court conference or something, and my dear friend Harlan was kind enough to offer me a lift so I wouldn’t have to walk through a public airport and risk getting a muffin from Cinnabon chucked at my enormous noggin.”
This new revelation comes the same week that Senate Democrats tried to advance a bill that would “tighten the court’s ethics rules and investigate complaints of potential misconduct.” Naturally, Lindsey Graham led a whole bunch of Republicans in blocking it while calling it “unconstitutional overreach.” Which is a principle we’re sure they would have stuck to if ProPublica found that Crow had also been treating Sonia Sotomayor to free weekends at resorts in Montana, or giving Elena Kagan jet rides to play in an out-of-state softball league.
Thomas had just last week for the first time acknowledged two other free vacations Crow handed him that should have been disclosed. So we’re pretty sure this is not the end of this grubby story of influence-peddling that should be the second line in Thomas’s obituary. The first, of course, should be his love of Coke.
Harlan Crow is not taking our calls, but you can still donate to keep Wonkette going!
Speaking of the filth that is Clarence Thomas, he justified nullifying the ban against bump stocks by saying "A bump stock does not covert a semi-automatic rifle into a machine gun any more than a shooter with a lighting-fast trigger finger does."
Tell that to those massacred by an ammosexual choad in Las Vegas, Clarence, you ignorant slut.
Where would we be if Sotomayor gave a speech at a Planned Parenthood meeting down the street from her house that provided lunch and a water bottle as a "thank you" gift? They would be impeaching her fast enough to make our head swim (as my mom would say).