Individual 1 Is Kindest, Bravest, Warmest, Most Wonderful Individual 1!

It's your Sunday show rundown!

Hello Wonks! It was a big Friday, with sentencing memos, and John Kelly, and Jim Comey, and ... oh lord, so many things. So what did the Sunday shows do? They brought on Marco Rubio, Rand Paul and Rick Santorum to lie like a common Individual 1.

Appearing on CBS's "Face The Nation," Rubio seems to STILL be waiting for MORE information in the Russia investigation before drawing conclusions:

SENATOR RUBIO: ...That said, obviously you know, you read some of these details,we're going to wait for more information.We're doing our own probe in the Senate Intelligence Committee. And I'm usually cautious about discussing the matter of the Russian interference portion of it because we're not done with our work yet.I can tell you this, that some of the things that have come out over the last couple weeks, particularly with regards to Mr. Cohen, has-- have led the committee to go back and interview witnesses or attempt to interview additional witnesses again based on other testimony in the past.Clearly these are things that are to be taken into account and seriously and I would caution everyone just continue to wait until all of this plays out. But-- but it's important that-- that we-- that this continue to move forward.

This word salad was so stupid, Margaret Brennan had to ask Rubio to clarify and then he doubled down on denial:

MARGARET BRENNAN: So, I understand you saying there that you stand by the President.

SENATOR RUBIO: Well, again there's nothing-- there's not-- there's no reason to not stand by anybody in this moment.There are pleadings, there are cases, there are evidence, we're going to wait for all of it to be out there.And I would caution everyone to wait for all of it to be out there until you make judgment.Your judgment may not change but nonetheless judgments should be made on the basis of all the information that is before you. That is most certainly what we're doing in-- in the U.S. Senate Intelligence Committee. So, as I've said repeatedly, I believe that Mr. Mueller's probe should continue and move forward unimpeded. Both of those findings will be there before the American public. We'll see what it all shows when put together and we'll move on from there and-- and see what needs to be done.

So "Little Marco" is still waiting to make proclamations until he "has all the facts"... unless it's about a fake voter fraud conspiracy in Florida, of course.

Another way to spin things is to outright lie or come up with the stupidest possible excuses, like Kentucky senator and walking proof of objectivist theory failures, Rand Paul.

On NBC's "Meet The Press," Rand Paul had a very logical explanation for Michael Cohen pleading guilty to committing fraud on behalf of and directed by "Individual 1" (Trump):

SENATOR PAUL: ...But I think it's bigger than this. And I think we have to decide in our society if -- there are thousands and thousands of rules. It's incredibly complicated, campaign finance. We have to decide whether or not really criminal penalties are the way we should approach criminal finance. I personally think that if someone makes an error in filing paperwork or in not categorizing a campaign contribution correctly, it shouldn't be jail time. It ought to be a fine. And so it's just like a lot of other things that we've done in Washington. We've over-criminalized campaign finance.

Yes! Who among us has not filled out paperwork incorrectly and inadvertently committed massive fraud and helped an unqualified human colostomy bag be elected President of the United States? Let he who has not cast the first stone.

Rand Paul is a lying douche. I can now see why his neighbor beat the shit out him (the real "Bowling Green Massacre").

Let's end today on Rick Santorum. Now normally Santorum makes an appearance for saying something stupid or racist or downright false, but this is NOT one of those days! While speaking on CNN's "State of The Union" about the departure of Chief of Staff John Kelly, Santorum ACTUALLY made a concise point about Kelly's entire tenure!

RICK SANTORUM: Yes. I think the lockdown tough general that Trump respects didn't work, didn't work in controlling Trump.

Santorum is right, Kelly was an outright failure at the one thing he was expected to do. The only thing he succeeded in doing is tarnishing his military service and exposing what a racist, lying bigot looks like in the highest echelons of the military. So much so, that it actually got me to agree with an article from The Intercept:

John Kelly was a bully, bigot, and liar for Trump. Goodbye and good riddance. https: //t.co/1zrBPI2Hecby @mehdirhasan 
— The Intercept (@theintercept) December 9, 2018 

Come back next week, when everybody explains that a president getting indicted is fine, just fine!