Super Bowl RIGGED And STOLLEN By Taylor Swift, And Vivek Ramaswamy Knows Why
It keeps getting stupider.
Recent political failure Vivek Ramaswamy thinks he knows what’s going on with the football and with the politics and the Deep State’s control of both of these things:
Pizzagate weirdo Jack Posobiec tweeted, “Thinking about when Taylor Swift called out the Soros family in 2019 for buying the rights to her music and then how she came out a super liberal in 2020.” This is because a defining feature of the white dude MAGA Nazi movement is that they all jerked themselves into a lather a few years back fantasizing that Taylor Swift was their secret Aryan princess. When she started participating in politics — and when she did so in a way that made extremely clear that she hated people like them — they felt like she had personally dumped them.
It’s pathetic.
Vivek responded, “I wonder who’s going to win the Super Bowl next month. And I wonder if there’s a major presidential endorsement coming from an artificially culturally propped-up couple this fall. Just some wild speculation over here, let’s see how it ages over the next 8 months.”
You betcha, it’s all a Deep State plot. Football is RIGGED and STOLLEN — there are all these conspiracy theories about how NFL football is scripted, MAGA mouthbreathers love ‘em — and the Illuminati are using Jewish Space Lasers to direct Taylor Swift to use the predestination of the football to artificially oh my fucking God who even knows.
These people are not well. They are physically unable to look at themselves in the mirror and deal with the devastatingly simple Occam’s Racor fact that all normal people, including Taylor Swift and her boyfriend, Kansas City Chiefs tight end Travis Kelce, loathe MAGA fascist Nazi ice cream van creepers, and will vote against them. They can’t handle that Taylor Swift is the most culturally powerful woman in the world, whose very status is kind of a negation of the existence of MAGA dudes. And they really hate that she says “Vote” and her fans do it.
They’re upset that Travis Kelce is vaccinated and cooler than them and hotter than them and better than them, while their chosen anti-vax football dipshit Aaron Rodgers is an object of mockery.
Obviously we’re talking about this because of the AFC Championship game yesterday. Taylor Swift beat the Baltimore Ravens, and she’s going to the Super Bowl with her boyfriend Travis and all his Chiefs teammates.
And these weirdoes are so upset. The meltdown they’re having is kind of out of control.
He needs the 49ers to win so that “Taylor Swift and that Pfizer guy go down.” OK, totally normal.
The NFL is RIGGED for the Chiefs, T. Swift and “Mr. Pfizer.” To spread DEMOCRAT PROPAGANDA. (So angry.)
It’s all an op. Taylor Swift is going to “endorse” Joe Biden. Not endorse. “Endorse.”
End Wokeness, one of those Twitter accounts that chews on LibsOfTikTok’s pant legs, has it all figured:
No, it can’t be organic and natural that Taylor Swift works really hard and genuinely connects with people and has built her own empire. Could a woman do that on her own? These people are just not sure.
All the little try-hards are at it, calling Swift the Democrats’ “voting machine heifer” and things like that. They’ve been calling her the Chiefs’ Yoko Ono.
They’re so hilariously angry.
Taylor Swift’s success makes them personally feel small.
Travis Kelce’s vaccination status and his success make them personally feel small.
Everything in the world is a conspiracy theory to make MAGA weirdoes feel small, because they can’t face that they are small, that the world doesn’t need their contributions, that it’s adjudicated them irrelevant.
Speaking of Chaya Raichik, the LibsOfTikTok garbage bag herself:
“ARE YOU PAYING ATTENTION?” Raichik tweets. To what? TO THE CONSPIRACY.
Back away slowly, everyone.
Scroll down for one more.
Do right-wingers need their own Taylor Swift? Or do they HAVE one already? This guy thinks so:
In a followup tweet, he referred to conservatives as “Boebies.”
Of course, they all swear they’re kidding when liberals start making fun of them, as if by that very fact they have successfully OWNED THE LIBS.
Cool. Whatever they need to make them feel better.
Bless their hearts.
OPEN THREAD
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So the most hilarious thing I've come across in recent weeks is that the conspiracy theorists who convinced themselves that undocumented immigrants are streaming over the board at a rate of 60 million per year, each carrying 10 kilograms of fentanyl on her back as she makes her way to El Paso to steal a nursing job from a hard working citizen have decided to do something about it:
They've gotten together and organized a massive protest/human border wall, with 700k people supposedly signing up to stand in the desert heroically blocking illegal fentanyl-smuggling computer programmers and firefighters from dying or dehydration and/or destroying America as we have known it.
Except the conspiracy theorists then uncovered a conspiracy that the FBI was using the protest to sucker all the TruePatriots to the border where they could be arrested on false charges of attacking immigrants and then locked up in FEMA camps forever.
And now, afraid of the new conspiracy, they are refusing to attend the protest against the old conspiracy.
Chef's melonfucking kiss.
Okay, so 35 * 10.5 = 367.5 which is a reasonable approximation. 34.786 is much closer to the real figure, but that makes things too complicated.
35 * 50 = 1,750.
So I am at this moment more than 1800 Scaramuccis old.
Thank you for coming to my TED talk.