Susan Collins Wants The Voters To Decide What They Already Decided
Susan Collins Wants The Voters To Decide What They Already Decided
I'm Susan Collins, and I have concerns!
Good morning! It’s winter here in Maine, so you know what that means? It means that every morning I wake up with my brain frozen to the inside of my skull, and I have to whack it against a wall a few times to free it up.
Excuse me for a second.
(thumping noises that sound like a squirrel falling out of a tree and landing on a cement block)
There! Unstuck! Now I’ll just wait a few minutes for the dizziness to pass.
Okay! Hi! It’s winter here in Maine, so you know what that means? It means that every morning I wake up with my brain frozen to the inside of my skull, and I have to whack it against a wall a few times to free it up.
What? I already did? Huh. Well, if you say so.
So, people have questions about my statement on Twitter that the voters of the great state of whaddayacallit — Maine — hey, that’s my state!
Where was I?
Oh, right. I think the voters of Maine should get to decide who wins a presidential election. Not the Secretary of State, who was not elected by the voters. No, she was appointed by the state Legislature.
THIS MORNING!
Sure, it’s true that the people elected the state Legislature, and theoretically the people elect legislators to make decisions like who our secretary of state should be so that they don’t have to, and they trust that their choice will faithfully interpret and uphold the election laws of both the state of Maine and the United States Constitution, and since the Democrats won a majority of the state Senate in 2020, it is perfectly reasonable to argue that Secretary Bellows is in fact carrying out the will of the majority by interpreting the rules to bar Donald Trump from the presidential ballot.
But we should consider the opposing argument, which is a) Republican voters are insane, b) Republican voters terrify me, and c) Republicans want Trump to be the next president.
When you line those three points up, it makes much more sense to put Donald Trump on the ballot, yes?
Whew! That was tiring! I think I need to lie down! I haven’t been even this semi-coherent since whenever yesterday was!
PREVIOUSLY IN SUSAN COLLINS!
What’s that? The voters decided in 2020, and it’s Trump’s refusal to accept their decision then that is the reason we’re in this mess, so why is it incumbent upon them to do it all over again just because the former president is a whiny titty-baby?
I am not familiar with this phrase, and I’ll thank you to take your vulgarity elsewhere.
What’s that? Some Republican former lawmakers were part of the challenge to President Trump’s eligibility? Okay, well, they’re former legislators. They don’t have to worry about the next election, or fundraising, or whether some backwoods fur trapper is going to show up at their front door with an ice ax and a very sour look on his face.
And they certainly don’t have to go to a Senate lunch and get berated on this issue by Ron Johnson. “Susan!” he’ll say. “You have to do something about this!”
“Ron,” I’ll reply, “I am very concerned.”
“Susan!” he’ll answer. “President Trump expects you to do better!”
“Ron,” I’ll respond. “I tweeted about it. After lunch I plan to furrow my brow in front of several reporters. What more can I do?”
“Susan!” he might say after a moment’s thought. “Are you gonna finish that beet salad?”
That’s Ron for you! Anything for a free beet salad!
Wow, is my mind wandering today. Could I have hit my brain against the wall too hard? I don’t know, it was stuck pretty good.
Yes, I suppose if you teased out the logic of my statement that Mainers should have the opportunity to vote for the candidate of their choice, you’d get a lot of possibilities. They could vote for Paul LePage. They could vote for Joshua Chamberlain, though he’s dead and, even worse for a Republican candidate, opposed to slavery.
No, George the 140-year-old lobster is not eligible. He was caught off the coast of Newfoundland, so we can assume he’s Canadian by birth. What? No, Ted Cruz was ineligible for the presidency for many other reasons. The main one being that he’s an enormous asshole. Legally, though, we couldn’t hold the Canadian thing against him.
Also, George is by now over 150 years old. That’s even older than Joe Biden!
Well. This is all academic. It’s up to the courts to decide if the Secretary of State’s decision stands. I certainly think it shouldn’t, and not just because I’m a Republican. I’m also a morally challenged charlatan who loves passing the buck so I can get through my career making as few difficult choices that I can’t rationalize away as possible!
I mean, that’s why we have a Supreme Court that we stacked with conservatives, right? And no one on the Court has ever done something I was sure they would never do!
Listen, before you go, can you plug in that space heater for me? I’m going to lie down with my head an inch from it to see if I can thaw my brain. It’s never worked before, but I’m an optometrist!
What?
Yes, optimist. That’s what I said!
[CNN]
Help keep yr Wonkette feasting on the Maine lobsters to which we are so accustomed.
this post is a thing of beauty.
cheers!
Maine is my favorite state; my late husband & I kayaked hundreds of marvelous miles there. I trust the people to do the right thing.