Ted Cruz Finally Made A Friend In The Senate, Sort Of

Aw, good for you, Teddy

We've been having a rollicking good time pointing and laughing at friendless foreigner Ted Cruz, whose guts are hated by every single Republican, especially the U.S. Senate kind, past AND present. Or so we thought. [contextly_sidebar id="ZA3UhUHaQN2vP9Acz459y5NvJXQkTeXA"]

But check it out! Here is one Republican senator who not-hates Cruz just enough to say some nice things about him, a little bit:  

Over the next two days, I will appear with Marco Rubio, with Ted Cruz, and possibly other constitutional candidates. Although I have not endorsed any candidate, I have strongly questioned GOP front-runner Donald Trump.

We are in a moment of constitutional crisis. America already has one post-constitutional party; we don't need another. We have a President who does not believe in executive restraint; we do not need another. I am not endorsing any candidate-- I am urging conservatives to hold every candidate accountable to keeping their word so that we uphold the Constitution's system of checks and balances. I'm pro-Constitution and if that makes me anti-Trump, that's Mr. Trump's problem.

[contextly_sidebar id="KUmekiKwbVkSAlpp1KIRqNtlRtgU5vsT"]That would be Nebraska tea party hero Sen. Ben Sasse, atta-boying Ted Cruz for, um, not being Donald Trump. Sure, it's not an endorsement -- it's very explicitly not that -- but what were you expecting? Ben Sasse loves the Constitution, and he hates people who do not love the Constitution, like Donald Trump, for example.

This isn't really about Trump, though. It's definitely not about Cruz or Rubio. Sasse is simply a man of strict constructionist principle. That's why he campaigned in 2014 with a nifty "thought experiment" to construct the nation's capital in Nebraska, where the Real Americans come from. (How is that plan going, by the way? We haven't heard much since his election.)

[contextly_sidebar id="lELPnRQEdLoLiDln7B58tjY286zenJ1p"]Sasse has a lot in common with Cruz, so it makes sense for him to road trip around with the guy while very deliberately not endorsing him. They both love the Constitution (but not in a gay way). They both think they are pretty damned smart, thanks to their reg'lar American Ivy League education. They both got handjobs from Sarah Palin one time. And they both dislike that RINO Jew Yorker Donald Trump.

True, it could get a little awkward with Marco Rubio also tagging along on Ben Sasse's Great American Tour To Stop Donald Trump From Making America Great Again. Team Cruz has said means about Rubio's "high-heeled booties," and Rubio is a Republican senator (sometimes ) so by definition, he hates Ted Cruz.

Perhaps Sen. Sasse is going to switch it up and take turns with his two fellow GOP senators -- neither of whom he is endorsing, in case you missed it. Then they can all meet up for a Trump-hating stitch-n-bitch brunch in our nation's new capital of Somewhere In Nebraska.

[ Facebook via The Hill ]