15 Comments
User's avatar
Jack Millwater's avatar

Cruz just has a sad that everyone who sees him naked loses their lunch. Including his wife, allegedly.

Expand full comment
Vienna Woods's avatar

Yeah, we've got a local nude beach that we go to, and from the forums for beach-goers, I'd bet a bunch are Conservative or Libertarian. Hardly a Socialist or even Liberal paradise.

Expand full comment
Carl Bastrop's avatar

Bugs Bunny is a crossdresser!

Expand full comment
Jgb979's avatar

If Ted Cruz ever fully disrobed in his life he would reveal that he is a byproduct of the Campbell’s Soup corporations experiments with alien potato DNA. What once was a noble attempt at using space vegetables and Matt Damon turds to solve the hunger crisis gained sentience with a sense of moral superiority, went to Harvard, and never learned how to make a friend. It’s why he consumes 30 cans of soup a day it is the life giving SLURRY

Ted Cruz spotting a nudehttps://c.tenor.com/3AUnMaJ...

Expand full comment
whatwhomever's avatar

If Ted Cruz isn’t a nevernude, he really should be

Expand full comment
"M"'s avatar

Nononononono

Expand full comment
Oblio's Cap's avatar

"The wrong prople?"

Fuck that soup nazi.

Expand full comment
GH Swell's avatar

I think Ted Cruz really really really wants to go to the nude beach himself, but he’s afraid to because of all the liberal crimes being so scary.

Expand full comment
Nicola Leslie's avatar

Well, Ted Cruz is providing free publicity for nudist beaches now. Not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing.

Expand full comment
Suzie Greenburg's avatar

That's one self-loathing mf

Expand full comment
thixotropic jerk's avatar

Not for Ted! He had JJ Arms install a shooter cannon in his private conservative rectal area so he can shoot the shit wherever he goes.

Expand full comment
thixotropic jerk's avatar

Mystery solved! That must be why he keeps trying to adhere different scraggy animal pelts on his zoodiac face.

Expand full comment
thixotropic jerk's avatar

Didn’t they make a movie about that where if people viewed a video of a day at a nude beach with a naked Ted Cruz (the horror!) in it they died an excruciatingly painful and humiliating death?

Expand full comment
thixotropic jerk's avatar

Dear Nude Beach forum,

I never thought this would happen to me but then I’ve never seen myself naked except when frying bacon on my howitzer muzzle. Coincidentally…~Raffie “Are There Nude Beaches In Cancùn?” Cruz

Expand full comment