392 Comments

a mighty tail fin is our god.

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i read that as "gigantic mantis" before realizing that "The Deadly Mantits" would also be a horror movie

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"The Painter of Dimness™"

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At least beyond international waters.

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Yes, and your problem with that is . . . ?

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The first to conquer living space!

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Hmmm. Maybe a one way wall would be cheaper to build? Mexico might like that given that it is going to pay for it.

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It would be an amusing Surgeon General's warning.

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I am a little leery of any forefather who merely spent some time on his knees -- aren't there any faithful ones who committed to full-out prostration? You know, flat on their belly, squirming like an unworthy worm at the feet of a big scary celestial daddy? This 'on their knees' business sounds like a bunch of noncommittal politicians trying to hedge their bets.

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Funny. I particularly liked the reference to looking for through the JC Whitney catalog for parts for his '58 Impala. Happy Days!

But on a more serious note, I wonder if it was God's revelation that inspired the following clause of the Constitution: "Representatives and direct Taxes shall be apportioned among the several States which may be included within this Union, according to their respective Numbers, which shall be determined by adding to the whole Number of free Persons, including those bound to Service for a Term of Years, and excluding Indians not taxed, three fifths of all other Persons".

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That website looks like a great resource.

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Could be. God is totes cool with slavery, along with a lot of other crazy shit.

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The really fucked up thing is that Trump isn't the worst Republican candidate, not by a long shot.

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I am always amused when people say the Almighty has communicated with them personally, because the Almighty has not put anything in writing since he allegedly wrote the 10 Commandments with his own finger.

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Dok, it's time for an inspirational Wonkette book: What Color is Jesus's Impala, A Guide to Horsepower in The Afterlife.

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