249 Comments

Where's Betty Sue's father? Who's she gonna get drunk and screw?

Expand full comment

Dude, my great-great-great-great grandfather Julius lived there and was known to be an evil man who was always in trouble for selling likker to the Indians and other crimes. His son-in-law shot him and he lay in bed for 3 years before he died but he told everyone that when he was dead he was gonna haunt that cabin so bad they would have to move and, guess what, after he died there was a groaning noise coming from under the floor that was so bad they did actually move. I am a direct descendant of a demon fucking hillbilly.

Expand full comment

Thanks Monsanto.

Expand full comment

Gommorah - the under-achiever of sexxy time.

Expand full comment

That's been my question forever. Once I asked what happened in Gommorah. Someone here said,"What happens in Gommorah stays in Gommorah."

Expand full comment

Yes, the refrigerators we use to cull the gene pool.

Expand full comment

Tijuana.

Expand full comment

On the way to my Granny's favorite catfish place (Windy's in Cartwright, Oklahoma) there used to be a little white shack with red letters painted on the side advertising that they sell "Gutars, Bait and TVes." I hope it's still there.

Expand full comment

To get sinecures and pensions for your unemployable relatives?

Expand full comment

Seems like you could throw it together with a couple of big bath towels.

Expand full comment

Whereas we have promised not to comment (commenting rules for radicals) and whereas we cannot give our language a biblical or judiciary twang and whereas we are forced to heard your stupid and bigoted opinions whereas in the name of freedom you destroy freedom whereas all I can say is: Go autocopulate Karen Davis.

Expand full comment

They formed a Mesopotamian metroplex.

Expand full comment

... I thought that was something you caught after doing the sodomy and then you had to get the penicillin to take care of it.

Expand full comment

I especially enjoyed the collateral vengence on the knick-knack shops

Expand full comment

"There’s no anal sex in Blount County"

Well, I can't vouch for the current sodomite-y activity, since I left 20 years ago, but I can speak historically and say that sodomy of its various flavors [sorry] has taken place in Blount County. I'm particularly thinking of that one girl Lori. . .

OK, I'll be in my bunk.

Expand full comment

[as I posted when this story first surfaced] My hometown is in Blount County. This crazy person is in no way typical of most of the area. Blount County is definitely Republican, but it's corporatist/business/country club Republicans. Unfortunately, those of us of a progressive bent tend to go away to college and do not return, so the small-town-small-minded stay the majority.

Here's my prediction: crazy lady will get another council member or two to vote with her, but the resolution won't come close to passing. If it does, I'll come back to eat crow and post a naked picture.

Expand full comment