Texas AG Ken Paxton Bravely Flees Subpoena, Because Something Something Pro-Choice Violence

'It’s a dangerous business, Frodo, going out of your door.'

Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton fled his home yesterday — in a truck driven by his wife, state Sen. Angela Paxton — after a process server showed up to give him a subpoena for a hearing in federal court scheduled for today. The AG later took to Twitter to yell at people who'd mocked him because when you're a Republican public official, you live in constant danger from leftist murder squads or something.

You can only imagine how terrifying it must have been when process server Ernesto Martin Herrera showed up unarmed and knocked on the door. Like, maybe almost as terrified as a Texas family being investigated on suspicion of "child abuse" because they support their transgender teenager. Or perhaps as frightened as a13-year-old girl who needs an abortion in Texas. Haha, OK, probably not, because he is a powerful white man who has managed to hold on to office despite being under indictment for securities fraud since 2016. But he really didn't wanna be served a subpoena in a lawsuit being brought by nonprofits that want to help Texas women who need to leave Texas to get abortions, so he fled, as one does.

Or maybe Paxton was just traumatized by the local PBS affiliate's pledge-week marathon of Are You Being Served? 

In an affidavit filed with the US District Court for the Western Division of Texas, process server Herrera writes that he arrived at Paxton's home in McKinney, Texas, at 8: 28 Monday morning and "could see a silhouette of a man walking in the living room area" from where he'd parked on the street. He knocked on the front door, which was answered by a woman who identified herself as Angela. Herrera adds that he saw through clear glass in the door that Paxton, whom he recognized from photos, started following Angela to the door, but "When he saw me, he turned around and went back to where he came from."

Herrera says he told the woman he was there to "deliver important legal documents to Mr. Paxton," but she said he was on the phone. Herrera offered to wait, but the woman explained Paxton was in a hurry to leave. Herrera hung around anyway, since the client had asked him to. Eventually, around 9: 20, a black Tahoe showed up and parked in the driveway; the driver stayed inside. Twenty minutes later, the garage door opened and Paxton came out, and this is no doubt what terrified Paxton so badly:

I walked up the driveway approaching Mr. Paxton and called him by his name. As soon as he saw me and heard me call his name out, he turned around andRANback inside the house through the same door in the garage.

OK, but you could have been just anyone, brandishing papers like that, you madman.

After a few minutes, Angela Paxton came out of the house and got behind the driver's seat of another truck that was already in the driveway; she opened both driver's-side doors, then got in the driver's seat and started the truck. Ken Paxton emerged again and "RAN" to the driver's-side rear door. Herrera says he again approached and "loudly" called Paxton's name, stating he had court documents. Here, the drama reaches its peak!

Mr. Paxton ignored me and kept heading for the truck. After determining that Mr. Paxton was not going to take the Subpoenas from my hand, I stated that I was serving him with legal documents and was leaving them on the ground where he could get them. I then placed the documents on the ground beside the truck. Service was completed at 9: 50 am. He got in the truck leaving the documents on the ground, and then both vehicles left.

Herrera did not note whether Paxton was accompanied by minstrels who improvised a ballad about how he bravely chickened out, turned tail and fled, packed it in, sneaked away, buggered off, threw in the sponge, and pissed off.

Late last night, Paxton took to Twitter to condemn the biased media for attacking him, when in fact he was simply protecting himself AND HIS FAMILY from Stranger Danger, which rings a little false given that Herrera had clearly identified himself and why he was there when Angela Paxton met him at the door:

 This is a ridiculous waste of time and the media should be ashamed of themselves. All across the country, conservatives have faced threats to their safety — many threats that received scant coverage or condemnation from the mainstream media.

 It’s clear that the media wants to drum up another controversy involving my work as Attorney General, so they’re attacking me for having the audacity to avoid a stranger lingering outside my home and showing concern about the safety and well-being of my family.

Mmm hmm. So really the story here is that Mr. Herrera had better be darn thankful that Ken Paxton didn't just shoot him for being a "stranger lingering outside my home," which would certainly be an excellent defense. Perhaps he could have shouted "I am in fear for my life!" while he was at it.

In conclusion, Texas is a real law and order state where the state's leaders want people to know that you have to comply with the law until you're elected, and then the media is at fault. Now we just have to wait for Paxton to sue Herrera for having tried to help someone get an abortion in another state.

[ Texas Tribune / Service affidavit in Fund Texas Choice v. Paxton]

Yr Wonkette is funded entirely by reader donations. If you can, please give $5 or $10 a month so we can keep serving you the very finest news and fart jokes.

 Do your Amazon shopping through this link, because reasons .