Texas AG Ken Paxton Declares Open Season On Process Servers, Meter Readers, Girl Scouts

The Yellow AG of Texas.

Yesterday, we brought you the exciting story of how Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton bravely ran away Monday from a process server who had tried to serve him with a subpoena at his home in McKinney, Texas. Paxton has been widely mocked in the media for refusing to acknowledge the process server and fleeing in the rear seat of a pickup truck driven by his wife, state Sen. Angela Paxton.

Paxton apparently felt the need to drag the story out even longer, so after the first round of stories calling him a big jerk and a coward, he issued an official statement yesterday explaining the process server was lucky Paxton hadn't shot him, as one does in Texas. It's such a polite place because everyone is able to carry a gun.

As we mentioned yesterday in our first story, process server Ernesto Martin Herrera wrote in an affidavit that he had initially been met at the door by Paxton's wife, and that he had identified himself, explained he was there to serve Paxton with a court document, and left his card. Paxton had been subpoenaed to testify yesterday in a federal lawsuit brought against him by several nonprofits challenging the state's ban on allowing such groups to help Texans get abortions out of state.

Instead of coming to the door, Paxton remained inside until his driver pulled up in an SUV, then started to leave his garage. Herrera wrote that he'd again identified himself and attempted to hand the subpoena to Paxton, who fled back inside. A while later, Angela Paxton emerged from the garage and started up her own pickup, also parked in the driveway, and Paxton ran to get in the truck too. Herrera once more identified himself and tried to serve Paxton, the affidavit said, but the two vehicles drove off and Herrera left the document in the driveway.

 Later, Paxton tweeted that the media was being totally unfair, because, he claimed, conservatives all over America "have faced threats to their safety," and all he'd done was to have "the audacity to avoid a stranger lingering outside my home" and to have a proper "concern about the safety and well-being of my family." Which sort of ignores the whole part where Herrera identified himself and left his business card with Angela Paxton — as most would-be assassins do.

We ended our discussion of the story yesterday by saying Herrera should probably be thankful Paxton didn't just shoot him. Then Paxton made satire redundant by issuing a statement on his office's official Twitter account saying precisely that.

“Attorney General Paxton released the following statement after the the dismissal of the subpoena against him in Federal Court: ”

— Attorney General Ken Paxton (@Attorney General Ken Paxton) 1664293471 

Paxton again called the matter a "made-up controversy," and called the subpoena itself a "shameless stunt from my political opponents." He noted that the judge in the case had quashed the subpoena yesterday, although we're betting the order didn't say anything about it being a stunt. And now to the Rashomon part of the narrative!

Without mentioning Herrera's statement that he had explained his purpose and given his card to Angela Paxton, who told him Paxton was on the phone and couldn't come to take the court documents, Paxton contended that the "facts" are that

a strange man came onto my property at home, yelled unintelligibly, and charged toward me. I perceived this person to be a threat because he was neither honest nor upfront about his intentions.

Business card? What business card? Conversation with Angela Paxton? Not mentioned here.

Paxton goes on to explain that he's a man who lives a life of danger, so he ignored that subpoena from a stranger:

In light of the constant threats against me, for which dangerous individuals are currently incarcerated, I take a number of common sense precautions for me and my family's safety when I'm at home. Texans do the same to protect themselves from threats, and many also exercise their Second Amendment rights to protect themselves and their families.

If Twitter supported the inclusion of audio files with images, that's about where "God Bless the USA" would start playing. Paxton then explained that if anyone should have been frightened, it's that incoherent man yelling unintelligently and "charging" him with a manila envelope, which in the hands of a trained ninja assassin can be every bit as dangerous as a blade.

Given that this suspicious and erratic man charged me on my private property, he is lucky this situation did not escalate further or necessitate force. As leaders across America, from elected officials to Supreme Court Justices, face unprecedent threats [sic] of politically motivated violence, I believe this type of behavior utilized by radical activists is thoroughly disgusting and should be met with swift condemnation—not championed in the media.

So yeah, Paxton is pretty clear: He believes he'd have been justified in shooting Herrera dead, because violent radical liberals are out there attacking decent real Americans every moment of the day. As to whether other Texans should start shooting anyone who comes to their door, the important thing in a Stand Your Ground defense is that you have your story ready and that the other party be unable to contradict it, if you know what we mean and we think you do.

Also, in situations where you fear a charging incoherent stranger so much that you might have to use deadly force to protect yourself, make sure you send your spouse out to start the car first. That's just prudent.

[ Mother Jones / CNBC / Image generated by DreamStudio AI ]

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