Image by David Dees You may recall that back in September, we told you about some of the fascinating textbooks being written to conform to Texas's cool new history standards, which the conservative Fordham Institute called "a confusing, unteachable hodgepodge." The textbooks had a lot of interesting takes on American history, like how the founding fathers were inspired by Moses, because a "nation needs a written code of behavior." Never mind that the Ten Commandments are about individual moral behavior, while the Constitution is largely about voting and representation and stuff, and the Bill of Rights is mostly about restrictions on government power to compel behavior. Moses done it.
Christ and Moses haven't gotten enough credit for their work on the Constitution or the Declaration of Independence. It was actually Jesus who suggested using "creator" instead of "God", because he didn't want to "hit them over the head with, Dad did this and Dad did that". Moses was against it and it started a huge fight. Moses was all like enraged and turning sticks into snakes and Christ was like, "come on man, cut that shit out, it's just a word." Obviously Jesus won and Moses was pissed, but what are you going to do it's nepotism.
We all feared that this was going to happen <a href="http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Sumer" target="_blank">Sumer</a> or later. The adoption <a href="http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Ishbi-Erra" target="_blank">Ishbi-Erra,</a> <a href="http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Isin" target="_blank">Isin</a> it? Someone better <a href="http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Tell_Brak" target="_blank">Tell Brak.</a> This move is not a <a href="http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Gudea" target="_blank">Gudea</a>, <a href="http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Amorites" target="_blank">Amorite?</a>
Personally, I think a <a href="http:\/\/www.wonkettebazaar.com\/shop\/coffee-cups-for-your-coffee\/" target="_blank">Warren Christmas</a> is a dandy idea.
&quot;Let my people go&quot; ... so that in 5,000 years they can found a country based on idiot conservatism, extreme inequality and cat videos.
Rick Perry?
Ray Ray?
&quot;The best defense is a hasty retreat.&quot;
Remember, kids, Moses is white. He just is.
Christ and Moses haven&#039;t gotten enough credit for their work on the Constitution or the Declaration of Independence. It was actually Jesus who suggested using &quot;creator&quot; instead of &quot;God&quot;, because he didn&#039;t want to &quot;hit them over the head with, Dad did this and Dad did that&quot;. Moses was against it and it started a huge fight. Moses was all like enraged and turning sticks into snakes and Christ was like, &quot;come on man, cut that shit out, it&#039;s just a word.&quot; Obviously Jesus won and Moses was pissed, but what are you going to do it&#039;s nepotism.
The reminder not to curse is particularly effective, God damnit!
I&#039;d suggest Joshua.
We all feared that this was going to happen <a href="http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Sumer" target="_blank">Sumer</a> or later. The adoption <a href="http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Ishbi-Erra" target="_blank">Ishbi-Erra,</a> <a href="http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Isin" target="_blank">Isin</a> it? Someone better <a href="http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Tell_Brak" target="_blank">Tell Brak.</a> This move is not a <a href="http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Gudea" target="_blank">Gudea</a>, <a href="http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Amorites" target="_blank">Amorite?</a>
HS kidz these days are all, &quot;doin&#039; ass, dontal.&quot;
Personally, I think a <a href="http:\/\/www.wonkettebazaar.com\/shop\/coffee-cups-for-your-coffee\/" target="_blank">Warren Christmas</a> is a dandy idea.
&quot;Let my people go&quot; ... so that in 5,000 years they can found a country based on idiot conservatism, extreme inequality and cat videos.
So the Texas Supreme Court will be issued swords in order to administer the Judgement of Solomon?
Texas Bored of Education
FIFY
and especially NO COVETING!
What do the new textbooks say about the moon landing? Is Murphy going to get suspended again?
fucking lawyers...