288 Comments

Every sperm is sacred.

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Teaching teens sex ed and giving them access to birth control will only encourage them to have sex. Also, teaching teens how to use a fire extinguisher will only encourage them to start fires.

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Do we really think the turdblossoms who brought us Open Carry Texas are going to keep their actual (tiny) dicks in their pants?

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(Bangs forehead against wall.) Jesus, no WONDER I never made it in politics or medicine. Just wasn't virginal enough. Darn, darn, darn.

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I always feel awkward when abstinence comes up. It worked for me the same way California's D.A.R.E. program did: people mumbled at me about Don't Do X, but I was too obsessed with nerdy shit to listen or be interested in anything else.

"I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me." Right, Dr. Thompson?

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Actually, this explains everything, including their hatred of women.

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Huh! My socks lost their virginity long before I did.

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Teaching kids about shooting and giving them guns, however, will make them responsible gun owners.

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If ignorance in Texas was wet, these students are gonna need a boat to get to school...

http://media2.giphy.com/med...

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I've been reading a book about a guy who wanted to avoid sex because thought that channeling his sexual energy into his work would make him something special. The book is called, "The Mad Sculptor: the Maniac, the Model, and the Murder that Shook the Nation. The book is non-fiction, and as you might have guessed the murderer got his ideas from a pentecostal preacher. Religion, when divorced from any common sense is a very dangerous thing.

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... TBH, I'm surprised Mama Grizzled didn't trot out the old "immaculate conception" swindle when it came to Bristle and her babby. Hey, it worked once and resulted in a trillion-dollar empire for the RC's, and you know $istah $arah would be happy with half of that. Of course, all requests for DNA evidence would be "of the Debil!"... so, to be avoided.

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... "his decision not to have premarital sex enabled him to become a surgeon and state representative."

By that logic (logic? who said logic?), my decision to be a hedonistic libertine in my wayward youth enabled me to become all that I am today. Well, thank fuck for that!

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I just made it to mediawhore. Still too virginal.

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If only you had faith Bubba, if only you had FAITH.

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... and as a formerly horny teen, currently horny adult, soon to be randy old man... BWAHAHAHA! - also, too!

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... well, shit, Me not sure... that's just tragic on so many levels. No snark - I'm sorry to hear this. Silence = Death writ large.

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