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That Arizona Sheriff Guy Is Winning Senate Race, of Course
Can anyone take a guess as to who Arizona Republicans want to replace Jon Kyl as their next senator? No? Okay, close your eyes and imagine that a scary Mexican man with bloodshot eyes and cocaine pouring out of his orifices is pointing a gun at you and the only way to stop him is electing the right senator. Got it now? You're exactly right: They want that Mexican-hating sheriff guy Joe Arpaio to win, according to a poll in which he leads announced candidate Rep. Jeff Flake, J.D. Hayworth, and (f.f.s.) Rep. Ben Quayle . This is a murderer's row (Jared Loughner FTW!) of legislative talent. How on Earth will Arizona be able to decide which of these guys will best embarrass them in the Senate?
I actually don't think Arpaio would run for Senate, because a county sheriff has a lot more direct power to punish and humiliate people -- all while relentlessly self-promoting oneself -- than one junior senator. A senator can vote to keep Guantánamo open, sure, but a sheriff gets to actually set up little camps and frog-march his prisoners around town.
That might be true if senators weren't afforded the privilege to take custody of "released" Guantánamo prisoners and force them to do everything from child care to cleaning the gutters to sucking their cock to constituent work to writing legislation. But we can only assume they are. (They wear shock collars at all times, of course. Just in case.) [ Roll Call / Salon ]