Good morning, it’s tabs!
The opera buffa that is the president in the catering truck is actually five separate very grave scandals in one. (Garrett Graff at Doomsday Scenario) Oh right, he then immediately went and bearded the reporters — whom he used as bait and on whom he sicced federal goons — at their own gala and they licked his boots. Reporters get some dignity challenge. (Our Liz at Public Notice)
Judge Jeanine, DC US Attorney, is convening a “special grand jury” to keep her job. Whom shall it persecute? That is for them to know and you to get secret-indicted. (KATV)
Guess we’ll find out if this former Southern Poverty Law Center CFO actually was doing self-enriching frauds or if her arrest is simple oppression by Todd Blanche on behalf of Elon Musk and other Nazis. My guess would be always be the latter! It is funny though that I’m even asking that question — did our side do something wrong? — instead of just insisting people who get in trouble for trying to overthrow the government or bomb an abortion clinic should be paid federal taxpayer compensation. (CNN)
But if you want to do some moneylaundering, turn on that washer! Shell companies are BACK! (FINCEN / The Fucking News)
New ICE torture trick from “Compliant Technologies”: Smell the G.L.O.V.E. (Lawyers Guns & Money)
Shut up, the news. Democrats aren’t “at war” at least not with each other. They’re unifying the fuck up, as is right and proper. (Laura Bassett at Nightcap)
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Mark Zuckerberg’s yacht a dick yacht. (AP)
Did Ohio Republian gubernatorial nominee Vivek Ramaswamy and his mother do a pump and dump scheme on his failed Alzheimer’s drug? Because it seems like Ohio Republican gubernatorial nominee Vivek Ramaswamy and his mother did a pump and dump scheme on his failed Alzheimer’s drug! (Oligarch Watch)
From a week ago, but I do think we should all be glad we’re not these British losers doing pogroms. (Guardian)
Time to fuck with the Census again! (Talking Points Memo)
One of you got me a Pope hat right? (Sun Times) If you’re already a subscriber, a reminder that the Democratic Socialists of America was born in the Catholic Left by folks from Dorothy Day’s Catholic Worker. (Paywalled, Letters From Leo)
From Type Click Type, my boyfriend Timothy Olyphant is adorable on talking shows, which I should have known since he’s my boyfriend. There’s a good January 6 joke too but regardless, my boyfriend, etc. *JUSTIFIED.*
Your friend Julie has all kinds of hand-sewn and hand-knit fripperies across a broad price range. Buy something for your cat or for you! Not an ad! (Julie’s Etsy Chaos Crafting Crones)
Wonkette parties upcoming: SAN FRANCISCO in honor of Fukui, Fri., Aug. 21, 6 p.m., Hyatt Regency SF (Embarcadero); WINDSOR, MASS, potluck! Find your own place to camp or AirBnB near but not at Paul and Holly’s, Labor Day weekend: Holly says, “campfires and food and drink (BYO adult stuff) on Saturday and Sunday from noon(ish) to bedtime. For information shoot me an email. hollyturner at live dot com”; Atlanta has been postponed to October. SECOND SAN FRANCISCO: Mon., Nov. 30, Embarcardero Hyatt again.
We are losing about one percent of our subscribers a month AIYEEEE. It would be really helpful if you sent Wonkette to some friends!
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I will never stop using all the different colored texts, I LOVE THEM!
It’s a great potoo, master of disguise and your hed gif bird of the day: https://martiniambassador.substack.com/p/great-potoo-where-are-you
Also, a meme chat for you: https://open.substack.com/chat/posts/8d2f15a0-6c4b-4df8-b265-23bd2b487357?utm_source=share
Escuuuuuuze me, but Timothy Olyphant is MY boyfriend. I’m even watching that not-great Lucky series just so I get a few glimpses of him. What a dreamboat!