That's Right, Trey Gowdy, GET YOUR DUMB SQUIRRELLY ASS OUTTA HERE

Jan 31, 2018

bye idiot

Another rat is abandoning ship, y'all! And it is a VERY BIG RAT. Tell us why you are quitting to spend more time rubbing squirrel jizzes into your delicious mane while you whisper "Benghazi!" at your bathroom mirror, Trey Gowdy!

OK, "The Byrds."

Full statement:

HE'S OUTTA HERE, ASSHOLES!

Gowdy, the very powerful chair of the House Oversight Committee, is the TENTH GOP COMMITTEE CHAIR, and the one millionth GOP congressman, to choose this particular Trump moment to Seacrest the fuck outta Congress.

But why though? Let's wildly speculate!

Some people on Twitter think maybe he might replace Jeff Sessions, to which we reply NO FUCK NO. But our gut says that's not it.
Somebody else (a Politico reporter) on Twitter says JUST CONVENIENTLY a seat on the Fourth Circuit came available YESTERDAY. So maybe Gowdy would like to go to there. (The Fourth covers South Carolina, the place where Gowdy was whelped and no doubt would like to return.)
Maybe he wants to retire to the private sector, where he will finally have a chance to investigate Benghazi.
Maybe he wants to experiment with more sexxxy hairstyles, and doesn't have enough time to do that while helping Donald Trump obstruct justice in the Russia investigation.
Maybe deep down in his soul even he sees that Donald Trump and House colleagues like Devin Nunes are literally pissing all over all our American institutions, and he's tired of being complicit. Hahahaha, we just suggested Trey Gowdy has a soul, we are the dumbest for saying that. For real though, Gowdy has seemed slightly uncomfortable with the GOP attacks on Robert Mueller, and with Devin Nunes's attacks on the FBI in particular.
For what it's worth, Gowdy has been exercising his prosecutorial chops a bit more lately, memorably during Trump-Russia idiot Carter Page's batshit testimony to Congress. So maybe he does want to get back to lawyerin'!
Oh yeah, there is that little matter of a DEMOCRATIC BLOODBATH TSUNAMI on the horizon, and bein' in Congress just ain't no fun when you're in the minority.