The American Right Is Once Again Very Concerned About All The Babies We Are Eating/Turning Gay/Sacrificing To Satan

What impeccable timing!

Feb 02, 2026

Things are getting a little weird out there, as they tend to do whenever it seems like Donald Trump is in any kind of trouble. With the Epstein files, Minnesota, historically low approval ratings, the Greenland weirdness and every other kind of weirdness going on, the fan base needs something to pump them up and make them feel righteous again.

One thing you can be sure of is that the worse things get for Donald Trump, the louder people on the Right are going to start screaming about “the children” in some capacity. Sometimes they are just trying to save the children from evil teachers who for no reason are out to “trans the kids” against their will or who are, they imagine, telling kids about their sex lives on a regular basis.

Late last week, there was something of a mass hysteria over on Xitter (promoted by Elon, natch) over the fact that there is a character on Peppa Pig that has two moms.

Elon: “Woke programming is everywhere in children’s ‘educational shows’ and books. Quote-tweeting X Freeze: WARNING TO PARENTS: They are trying to feed woke poison to your children without you knowing it. Who would guess that simple cartoons like Peppa Pig were being used for …

“They are trying to feed woke poison to your children without you knowing it,” reads the original post from some Twitter rando. “Who would guess that simple cartoons like Peppa Pig were being used for indoctrination? You couldn't even spot it unless you were watching closely. The indoctrination is everywhere and in every-form. Don't wait until it's too late.”

“Woke programming is everywhere in children’s ‘educational shows’ and books,” responded Elon, who recently demonetized and de-verified his child’s mother’s account for complaining about the child sexual abuse materials (CSAM) people were making of her and posting on the site, and also bragged that he would not have needed Jeffrey Epstein’s help to be a pedophile.

(In case you were wondering, Penni Polar has had two moms for years now, a thing I happen to know because I used to watch it in Italian sometimes for learning purposes.)

The replies were mostly filled with a whole lot of hysterics over how the children are being “brainwashed” to believe that gay people exist, how this was some plot to turn their children gay (because sure, that can happen) and pining for a future in which they will be able to make children’s programming with AI, because of how they are uncreative, untalented losers who can’t make anything themselves.

There was also a heartwarming story about a parent who was “vigilant” about ensuring their kids knew they hated gay people, and how those children now think the parent is a bigot, but they don’t mind because it’s what their parents and grandparents would have wanted.

Rest assured. My kids heard my take every time their whole life. Every show. I DID MY PART TO FIGHT THE WOKE MIND VIRUS. And tried to let them be humans at the same time. Now they call me a bigot but I don't mind. Carried my grandparents and parents wishes through.

First, They Came For Roe …

Not long after that, I happened on a particularly insidious campaign from a coalition of bigot groups looking to overturn Obergefell, on the grounds of “wanting to protect children.” Their thesis is that this has nothing to do with adults, but everything to do with what they believe is best for children. Of course, they would have to prove standing, and neither anti-abortion zealot Lila Rose nor homophobe Michael Knowles has been injured by the fact that gay people are allowed to get married, and “We, personally, believe kids should be raised by their heterosexual biological parents” is not much of an argument otherwise.

Nothing says “pro-family” like tearing families apart, right?

“We’re prioritizing the fantasies of adults, no matter how earnestly those fantasies are felt over the real needs and the real good of children,” said Knowles, really trying to pointedly suggest that there is a sexual element to same-sex adoption.

“The data that we have says two things,” explained a fella named John Stonestreet who definitely has not seen the data. “Number one, children do best when they are raised in a home with married, biological mom and dad. The other thing we know from research is that Moms don’t Dad, and Dads don’t Mom.”

Actually, research — 75 studies, to be exact — says that kids raised by same-sex parents do just as well or better than their counterparts. No one has done any research on Mom’s Dadding or Dad’s Momming beyond the 1983 Michael Keaton comedy Mister Mom, so that’s not a thing either.

The “data” they are going off of is not data, but “vibes.” Which is, of course, their usual source of information. If they feel something is true, then it is true, and nothing can convince them otherwise.

The replies have gotten better since I first saw them on Friday, but there is still a whole lot of evidence in there to show that anyone who thought Republicans were so busy attacking trans people that they were off their homophobic shit, well, that’s definitely not the case. One of the most common replies I saw, however, was from people highlighting a case of two gay men who sexually abused the children they adopted. As horrific as that case was, there are millions of people out there who were abused, sexually and otherwise, by their heterosexual parents. Or by their pastors or priests. Should we then make it illegal for hetero people to adopt? Or bar anyone from becoming a religious leader of any kind?

You’ll notice that this has been their big argument against immigration as well. They’re just protecting the children! Because people have immigrated here and then abused children, and we guess they much prefer it when children are raped by American citizens.

But What About The Epstein Stuff?

For the most part, MAGA has either been ignoring the parts of the released Epstein files that mention Trump or explicitly saying that they don’t count because you can’t believe everything that comes in on a tip line or that has been reported but not verified.

They have, however, found a few things they like. They like when random people they don’t like are mentioned by Epstein or people writing to him, so that they can say “This person was in the Epstein files!” without having to explain the context. They also really, really like this one obviously ridiculous claim from someone who said, in 2019 (well after Pizzagate) he saw people eating the feces out of baby intestines.

It reads:

Id like to add a few other points disclosed by the purported victim:
- While on this yacht he witnessed African American males having sex with white blonde females, all of whom were bleeding during intercourse.
He was a victim of a type of ritualistic sacrifice in which his feet were cut with a scimitar but left no scarring.
On the yacht he witnessed babies being dismembered, their intestines removed, and individuals eating the feces from these intestines.
-He was also raped by George Bush 1.
Victim disclosed he was escorted to the FBI building by Michael Moore who is the creator of “True Pundit”, described by multiple online sources as a conspiracy driven news website that attempts to paint the FBI in a bad light. Moore has a criminal record as a result of an FBI Investigation (Copyright Violation)

Probably the most impressive part here is where they have the magical ability to cut someone’s feet with a large and extremely sharp sword without leaving a scar. Also the racism! And, of course, the baby/feces-eating.

Now, unfortunately, it’s not only the Right falling for this — I’ve seen a few seemingly Left accounts going all “Who would have thought all the ‘the elite pedophiles eat babies!’ stuff was true after all!” about things. However, it is mostly the Right acting as if this is just absolutely verifiable proof of all of their nonsense and not just a disturbed person (who apparently did not leave any contact information for follow-up) coming up with whatever he thinks will shock people the most. I may not be the biggest fan of George Bush or his son, but if I’m going to believe he was a baby-eating, lizard person rapist, I’m going to need more serious evidence than the word of someone who thinks “Black men having sex with blonde white women” is on par with eating intestines and feces.

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And Now, Nicki Minaj

If all of that were not bizarre enough, Trump’s number-one fan Nicki Minaj has entered her QAnon era and is now promising his people a “storytime” about how all of the celebs sacrifice babies to Satan on the regular, and managed to weave it into her ongoing feud with Jay-Z and Roc Nation.

Are y’all understanding that these ppl have been sacrificing children as a way of gaining & maintaining power? If you ever vote DemonCrat again, you’re just as soulless as they are & will perish. Maybe it’s time for me to do some story times — since I was trying to not say what I know — yet they continue to attempt bullying. Also, I won’t be releasing an album until my contract is renegotiated & until I tell you about all the sabotage this RICO is finding out about Billboard.

“Are y’all understanding that these ppl have been sacrificing children as a way of gaining & maintaining power?” wrote Minaj, whose husband and brother are both convicted sex offenders. “If you ever vote DemonCrat again, you’re just as soulless as they are & will perish. Maybe it’s time for me to do some story times — since I was trying to not say what I know — yet they continue to attempt bullying.”

Beneath the tweet was a picture of Jay-Z hugging Aaliyah, labeled as having been taken in 1996 when she was 15, and another picture, supposedly from 1997, of him next to Beyoncé when she was 16. Except, as many people pointed out, the first picture was taken in 2000 when Aaliyah, who never dated Jay-Z, was 20 years old (note that Jay-Z is wearing a Rocawear t-shirt; Rocawear didn’t come out until 1999), and the second is from 1998 … but she was not actually standing next to him in it.

They took a picture together when he came to see their first live show in Dallas. They did not meet officially until Bey was 18 and didn’t start dating until she was 19. Is that still too young? I think so, but it’s not illegal and no children were sacrificed.

There is a reason that children are so often a factor in insane beliefs like this — because people are more likely to believe implausible, illogical things when there is a chance that children are at risk or children were hurt. Please recall the Wayfair child trafficking conspiracy, Pizzagate, McMartin, etc. The Right is dipping into this well right now specifically because things are not going well for them otherwise. It’s the only card they have left to play.

And it’s a really shitty card to play, because there are children out there who are abused. It’s just not usually in ways extreme or dramatic enough for these people to care about, and it’s not usually in ways that provide them with a cudgel to use against the people they most want to hurt — especially considering that the Left has shown that we have absolutely zero goddamned problem with flipping on anyone who claims to be on our side and hurts people. The only way they can make that happen is to speak in hypotheticals or to just make shit up.

Hopefully it won’t work for them this time.

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