The Best of the Grand Old Parties

We're thinking that the Ben Affleck of the Republican convention is gonna be Ron Silver. The Washington Times admitted that Silver isn't "even be the most popular middle-aged Jewish character actor named Ron," but they say that like it's a bad thing. Personally, we're thrilled at the RNC's low-wattage star power: Think of how easy the parties will be to get into! In Boston, any party where there was even the slightest chance for some decent star fucking had a bitch at the door, too many people in the VIP room and not enough people less important than we are. Next week, we won't have to waste valuable time waiting in line when we could be drinking. That said, some parties will be harder to get into than others, and therefore the most desirable. A good rule of thumb: Follow Jenna. But not too closely. Barring that, follow the gay Republicans. Follow them pretty closely, 'cuz they'll try to lose you.

More specifically, we hear these are the shindigs with the best chances of not being lame:

•Thursday night's Next Generation GOP party, hosted by the spawn of Bloomberg and Pataki. (Bush girls have confirmed)

•Bloomberg's party in Bryant Park on Sunday for the out Republicans. (Those still in the closet will be in the meat packing district, wearing leather masks.)

•Lord help us: We hear that the "Gotham's Grand Old Party" event, Tuesday at Gotham Hall, is being co-hosted by Crisis Magazine, and theyswing. Also, Karl Rove is supposed to be there, as if you needed another reason to go.

•Monday is Grover Norquist's yacht party, which we would not miss for the world.

•Tuesday is the Economist/Weekly Standard/Cigar Aficionado/Distilled Spirits Council party. We plan to do our best Bush-girl-falls-off-her-bar-stool impersonation there.

•We're also excited about what keeps getting listed as the "NASDAQ Desert Reception." Some kind of comment on the war? Some kind of comment on Bush's education plan? Who knows.

•And it won't have liquor as far as we know, but it will have the Stephen Colbert (or one of those guys): The "'Thank You, President Bush' Appreciation Event" (You go, girl!) Monday afternoon, where we hear The Daily Show will be taping a bit.

Oh and we almost forgot: The DeLay golf event has been cancelled. Sorry.

 Grand Old Party Schedule [Wonkette]