25 Comments

Neighborhood meth lab-- or several beer bottles, many with partially scraped off labels, all containing small quantities of stale beer and one or more cigarette butts?

FTFY.

Expand full comment

SO IS YOUR FACE!

Expand full comment

So, the discoverer of the Urdu-English phrasebook has a theory, which is that it belonged to a coyote (that is to say, a Mexican person) who was conveying Pakistanis across the border.

Now, I appreciate that it might be somewhat more difficult (I have no idea, actually) to find an Urdu-<i>Spanish</i> phrasebook. And it's certainly true that many Mexicans have some command of English (better than my Spanish, for sure). But then, quite few Pakistanis speak English. In fact, one might even speculate that an important requirement for a Pakistani terrorist sneaking into the US would be at least functional English (or, perhaps, Spanish). It's hard to find your terrorist target if you can't read street signs or ask questions.

Shorter: I can see why they threw away the book.

Expand full comment

Like UPS delivering Gwyneth's head in Se7ven?

Expand full comment

I blame Obama.

Expand full comment

Wait, he found it over a year ago? Did he not get his entire 15 minutes the first go-round? Well just scream like a little girl, you big baby.

Expand full comment

So what do you think is on the pages they bookmarked with sticky notes? The Urdu-to-English translation of "Who's the pasty-faced lard-ass with four boobs and why is he pointing a gun at my four-year-old?"

Expand full comment

I'd be using one of those t-shirt launchers from sportsball games to launch turbans and burquas all over the place.

Maybe a rug with instruction tag printed on it in Arabic that translated to "To recharge Magic Carpet jihad/flying power, point towards Mecca and Allah shall provide. Warning: Keep Magic Rug away from pork products and very obese patriots" in case they ever figured out Google Translate.

Expand full comment

I think a Terrorist Training Camp Certificate with the name Louie al-Gohmert on it, slipped inside a Manchurian Candidate VHS tape.

Expand full comment

I just got to find me one of those book store things and buy me some of the Muslin books to dump at the border,that should keep the wingnuts busy for awhile so in they cant screw with presidente Blackenstien. about inpeaching himself

Expand full comment

But is your hovercraft full of eels? 'Cuz we all know Actor212's nipples are exploding with delight (just as they should).

Expand full comment

Poncho Villa.

Expand full comment

If only they had used hearts instead of those terrorist slashes to dot their i's.

Expand full comment

Dear Vecchiojohn, If I wasn't in love with you before, this just sealed the deal.

Expand full comment

My 83 year old Aunt Agnes still owns about 20 acres about a mile North of Del Rio. Aunt Agnes would laugh really loud if I erected a giant sign at the front of her ranch stating "FUTURE HOME OF BUBBA"S MOSQUE AND KORAN STORE. COME ON BY AND PRAISE ALLAH."

Expand full comment

Why does this Muslin prayer rug I just found on the border have a neatly stiched slot right dab in the middle of it?

Expand full comment