The Daily Caller Reveals: Barack Obama Is A Lady, With Oves And Fallopes And A Vagina And Everything

Here's one way to generate some content on a slow news day. Mark Judge, author of A Tremor of Bliss (ick!), has a thing at Tuckerson Carlicue's House of Words 'n' Boobs titled "Barack Obama: the first female president." And then he explains that he's come to this conclusion honestly:

And no, it’s not because President Obama doesn’t hunt or drink a lot of beer, or curse and belch. As I’ve written before, quoting H.L. Mencken, every great man has a streak of woman in him.

The problem, says Judge, is that

Barack Obama doesn’t have just a streak of the feminine in him; he seems to be a woman, and a feminist one at that, with a streak of man in him.

Oh, goody -- this should be just full of insights!

Judge explains that he

first noticed this in watching Obama’s reaction to terrorism. No matter how bland or professorial a man is, there comes a moment when his family or his country is threatened and he shows rage and the desire to kill. You can see it in his eyes — that flare of hatred, the primal urge to eradicate those who would poison your tribe.

And then we get a bunch of manly examples of eyes that Judge has looked into, including those of "both Roosevelts," JFK, Reagan, Bush "standing on the rubble of 9/11" (no mention of Bush's fiery eyes while reading "The Pet Goat"). And of course, Captain Kirk and the manly men of action movies.

And then we're off and running, with a point-by point examination of how Barack Obama fails to live up to the "7 Manly Virtues" in a terrific book of " Manvotionals." You will be shocked and surprised to learn that Barack Obama is not nearly manly enough! And it is proven through such timely examples as his voting record in the Illinois state senate.

Also, we learn that Barack Obama lacks spunk. Seriously, "spunk" -- we tend to be in the Lou Grant camp when it comes to spunk, frankly. But that is not the point. The real point is that Obama's

real lack of spunk is evident in his abject terror of his wife Michelle. It’s not uncommon for a husband to joke about his wife being angry at him, but Obama obsessively returns to the theme in speech after speech: “Now, I don’t wanna get Michelle angry at me…”

Worse, Barack Obama is just plain pussy-whipped:

On their first date, the couple saw the violent black rage film “Do the Right Thing,” so that Michelle could make sure Barack “was down with the struggle.” With her love of violent movies, her fixation on fitness, and death glare that appears when she doesn’t like what she’s hearing, Michelle is actually more man than her husband. Oh for the days when president George W. Bush gave his wife Laura a loving but firm pat on the backside in public. The man knew who was boss.

No, we're not going to go through the whole tedious thing; you already know what's there. Benghazi, Obama's grades, affirmative action, and did we mention that "deep down he’s lazy"? It's OK because Obama said that, you know. Probably shiftless, too.

But really, it comes down to Obama not being manly like Captain Kirk:

But when it comes time to cast an important vote with profound moralimplications, or defend your ship or your country against an evil enemy, a man is ready to throw down. At these times, Obama ducks out or reacts with puerile resentment or flies to academic abstraction. I mean, what would Michelle think?

Killing The Enemy makes you manly as fuck, doesn't it? We remember that wimpy night when Obama hid behind Michelle's skirts while the Navy Seals were killing bin Laden. If he was there at all, right guys?

Also, we like Picard better.

[ Daily Caller / Photo credit:  Patrick Montero/NYDailyNews ]