The Five People Henry Kissinger Meets In Hell. Tabs, Thurs., Nov. 30, 2023
Come and get your Tabs!
Good morning, time for tabs.
As usual, when Evan (me) writes it, it’s less about “news today” and more about “actually he has (I has) these 700 tabs open and has had them open since January.”
That said:
DEAD HENRY KISSINGER NEWS.
Henry Kissinger was a man who was alive, and now he’s not anymore. All of us will die one day. In this case it is Henry Kissinger who has done so. Henry Kissinger was alive for 100 years. But no more. Now he is dead. (Reuters)
Spencer Ackerman’s remembrance of Kissinger is A THING. Guessing he wrote that shit years ago, because it was ret’ to GO. Fair warning, it is so fucking long, you will either lose interest a quarter of the way in, or you will read it on the toilet for the next month. You do you. (Rolling Stone)
OK here is a tab that is just a tab:
A Mike Johnson we haven’t had a chance to rant about yet, but that freak thinks America deserves God’s judgment because of how many people — specifically teens — identify as Not Straight? Goddamned sicko, go fuck yourself, dude. [Rolling Stone]
And here is our currently open list of things we have been meaning to read in The Atlantic before we are allowed to open any new Atlantic tabs. This is a rule we will break tomorrow, most likely. They are not even all remotely recent.
My Father, My Faith And Donald Trump. By Tim Alberta.
What Mitt Romney Saw In The Senate. By McKay Coppins. Yep, we still haven’t finished it.
The Patriot: How General Mark Milley protected the Constitution from Donald Trump. By Jeffrey Goldberg. Haven’t finished that one either.
Red States Are Rolling Back the Rights Revolution. By Ronald Brownstein.
How American Democracy Fell So Far Behind. By Steven Levitsky and Daniel Ziblatt.
The People Who Didn’t Matter to Henry Kissinger. By Gary Bass. Oh that one sounds new! (We literally went to the website to find y’all a brand new one. The one at the top is new too, but we opened it of our own volition in the organic way.)
Below, some things that aren’t even the news at all, but just are for real open in our tabs.
What is the hardest language to learn? No, it’s not Mandarin or Basque or Arabic, say many linguists. It’s Navajo. Read a fascinating article about that, and the challenges the language is facing, and if you have the polyglot bug, or even if you don’t, it might be time to try some Navajo lessons. But not on Duolingo because fuck Duolingo. [The Big Think]
We absolutely personally have the woke polyglot virus, so here is a super cool article from John McWhorter, the NYT language guy, about how he approaches learning languages, and his recommendations on that. It’s from two years ago, but that’s fine, because you didn’t read it then. We really, really love his recommendation for an app called Glossika and repeat that, though we are still using it for two languages, Duolingo fucking sucks. [NYT]
Do you need a yoga? If you need a yoga and think classes in public are gross, you should check out our YouTube yoga guy Tim Senesi, because he’s damn good. We even pay him money to subscribe, like you do for Wonkette. [Yoga With Tim]
Do you need a food? We have had this recipe open for something called Marry Me Chicken, but we haven’t asked it to marry us yet. [NYT]
Also we think we gave this to Becca for a tabs weeks back, but NYT did a whole page of links to Cheap One-Pot Dinners, and we saved it. Gonna make some starting a couple weeks from now! [NYT]
Do you need a car? We opened this Car & Driver link yesterday when we were writing you that article about the dog who rode in the car in his liberal mom’s Subaru Outback to go bite Jesse Watters on the dick at the park. It’s the best-selling cars of the year so far, and we wanted to make sure the Outback was indeed on the list before we talked all out our ass and said it was. (We knew it would be.) Fun fact: We now are an Outback driver also. So we wrote that article making fun of Jesse Watters’s masculinity issues from the perspective of a lib gay who has an Outback. Fuckin’ turbo too. We are just the absolute best. [Car & Driver]
Do you need a music? We’ve been listening a ton to a singer called Shara Nova, often better known by the moniker of her most well-known project My Brightest Diamond. And listening to Nova’s other collaborations turned us on to a modern composer named Sarah Kirkland Snider, and if you are into good music you might also be into it. Or you can just keep clapping your hands and listening to “Baby Shark” like you always do, like an idiot. [Sarah Kirkland Snider]
OK that’s enough.
We realize this post did not actually include the five people Henry Kissinger meets in hell, but that is because he is very unpopular, even there, and nobody is talking to him.
Smol skunks!
https://open.substack.com/pub/martiniambassador/p/smol-skunk-scrum
Shane McGowan died at age 65 today. Fairytale of New York is just about the only Christmas song I can stand. I’ll pour out some Irish whisky on the rocks for him tonight.