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The Humble Hannity? Your Wonkagenda, November 2, 2016
Morning Wonkers! Here's some of the stories Yr Wonkette might-haps be talking about today, and do note that they DO NOT involve sportsball, or sportsing, or weird looking old balls.
White nationalists from the suburbs are mobilizing to mosey on down to polling places in Philadelphia ghettos to pass out "40s and blunts" in an effort to intimidate voters. What could go wrong?
The RNC is slowly creeping away from Donald Trump like your sober friend at a party because Trump keeps talking about "rigged elections," "ballot security," and sending "poll watchers" to polling places (the later of which is KIND OF ILLEGAL in some states), and all of which could violate a 1982 consent decree restricting the GOP's poll-monitoring activities.
In case you had your doubts, the KKK's official newspaper has now OFFICIALLY endorsed Donald Trump for president because they want America to be more white, and Christian, Republican-like. You know: Great Again
For the first time in his political career, Darrell Issa actually has to really work at not being a complete prick, so as not to lose his election.
Aww shoot! Gun fetishists are scared because firearms safety advocates are dumping truckloads of money into states with ballot initiatives that would mandate background checks and other gun safety measures. Looks like them good 'ol boys won't be able to shoot their way out of this one!
In case you forget, there's a number of ballot initiatives throughout the nation this year to convince you to get off your ass andVOTE ON NOVEMBER 8, 2016, like legalizing mary-jane magic-fun grass, lifting the minimum wage, and making life just a little harder for gun fetishists and would-be criminals.
You know how the government spends $100 for a hammer, and $1,000 for a toilet seat? Well, Republican Senator Chuck Grassley wants to know why the Departments of Defense and and Veterans Affairs are spending $600 for EpiPens. Assume hearings scheduled.
Bernie Sanders personally sent pharmaceutical stocks into a dive yesterday after he went on a Twitter rampage and started railing about the high cost of diabetes medication.
It wasn't Texas attorney general Sid Miller who called Hillary Clinton a cunt on Twitter yesterday, it was a hacker, or a staffer, or someone who is most definitely, 100 percent, absolutely not, Sid Miller. Nope, nope, nope!
Sean Hannity APOLOGIZED for saying some untrue things about Michelle Obama that he read on some trashy, right wing conspiracy peddling website. No, really, he literally used the words "I humbly apologize"! Best FLOTUS, or bestest FLOTUS?
Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel won't return a $50,000 campaign donation from Donald Trump, which is just reason 7,512 why people in Chicago reallyDO NOTlike Rahm Emanuel.
The Libertarian vice presidential candidate Bill Weld was on the Rachel Maddow Show last night to "vouch" for Hillary Clinton , and then kind of sort of told people in Ohio and North Carolina to vote for Hillary Clinton, presumably because because his running mate is A Idiot.
Once upon a time Donald Trump might have written a really sexist novel that glorifies sexual assault over, and over, and over again. Of course, it can't be true because Donald Trump is (ALLEGEDLY) illiterate.
Mini-Trump and President of the Philippines Rodrigo Duterte is slinking off to a corner to think about what he's done now that people in the Philippines, like former president Fidel Ramos, aren't too happy that he's trying to drag 101.5 million Filipinos down the toilet with him.
And here's your morning Nice Time, PANDAS! Baby Pandas!