The Atlantic hurricane season isn’t even over until November, but that doesn’t mean we can’t go ahead and start praising Donald Trump from whom all blessings flow, for ending all the hurricanes forever, at least this year.
Are they trolling us, by acting like the North Korean News Lady and praising Donald Trump for preventing all the hurricanes? Yes, probably, and we’re not sure why think that’s such a flex.
But hey, sure. Suck that 80-year-old dick and every time you surface for air with your face covered with orange foundation, sneer in our general direction and say “JEALOUS?”
There are absolutely people in those comments on Twitter claiming that Trump DOES TOO control the weather, and that he banned “cloud seeding,” which stopped the Democrats from controlling all the weather. When do they think he did this? Doesn’t matter. Stupid people are stupid people.
It is indeed an unusually quiet hurricane season in the Atlantic Ocean, though, and it’s not because Donald Trump threatened to rename it if it doesn’t behave. It’s because of El Niño. (Which is also simultaneously contributing to an extremely active season in the Pacific, but don’t tell MAGA that, it’ll confuse them.)
Also contributing? Lots of dust from the Sahara.
“This year, five named storms have formed, but persistent wind shear, dry air and repeated plumes of Saharan dust have prevented any from reaching hurricane strength,” AccuWeather said in an analysis of the 2026 season so far.
There’s more at that link about the conditions that have made this Atlantic season get this far without a major storm developing, which hasn’t happened in over 100 years. Experts are saying it’s indeed “remarkable” how quiet this Atlantic season has been.
Or you can cheat off these science nerds:
“It’s really staggering, just how inhospitable the Atlantic is to anything that could form a tropical cyclone right now,” said Kristen Corbosiero, a University at Albany atmospheric science professor. “Anything that tries to form is just getting this triple whammy” of winds that decapitate a storm, dry air that starves it and downward pushing winds that basically stomp it.
Those three forces are classic impacts of El Nino, the natural and temporary warming of parts of the equatorial Pacific that warps and warms weather worldwide, five experts told The Associated Press.
“It’s just hammering the Atlantic. It’s just impressive,” [Colorado State University hurricane understander Phil] Klotzbach said. “We haven’t even had anything really even close to a hurricane
But back to giving Trump credit.
We guess when your presidency is that failed — when you’re literally presiding over the self-imposed suicide of the world’s largest superpower, self-imposed by you and your regime — your most inbred followers need something to grasp onto that can still get hard. When everybody hates you so much you’re about to lose a Senate seat in Texas and maybe even one in Kansas; when gas is a million dollars, and eating literally any food mass-produced in your country seems risky, and you lost the forever war of choice you started on its very first day; when you’re so desperate you’re bribing people to vote for you with false promises of $5,000 “dividends” that literally nobody believes are ever going to come; then it stands to reason that you're also going to be pathetic enough to try to give Dear Leader credit for preventing hurricanes too.
At press time, Natalie had tears in her eyes and she was saying “Sir! Sir! Thank you for being my knight in shining armor and also literally Jesus and controlling the weather!” while Trump rocked back and forth pooping and drawing dicks with a Sharpie on some AI slop hurricane maps Natalie printed out for exactly this purpose.
At least that’s what we imagine mornings in the White House residence are like, can’t see why they wouldn’t be.
[Adams Multimedia / Scripps News]
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But it's not a cult?
Jesus Christ when this gaseous, shambling sex pest finally sheds his stinking mortal coil we're going to see a lot of Jonestown endings aren't we?
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