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The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: Did Sister Sarah Quit Her TV Channel Halfway Through?
A man gave us money to watch The Sarah Palin Channel. That man was Fartknocker. The content calendar on the Sarah Palin Channel confuses and infuriates us. It has been nearly a week since the Democratic thumping in the midterms, and Palin has yet to release footage of herself giving wet willies to Democratic organizers in Anchorage. The Sarah Palin Channel doesn't seem to have anything on the results of the midterms, even though it shouldn't take long to whip up another "Behind the Scenes" clip explaining how the Tundra Grifter used the power of pancakes to save Pat Roberts' bacon.
Seems out-of-character for Palin to remain silent in the face of massive Democratic losses, right? We thought so too, but what's truly odd is that Palin actually does have thought-like derps about the midterms -- she's just having them on Facebook , rather than her paywalled Internet teevee channel. Brace yourselves, Wonkerinos, we may be witnessing a rare regression in Palin's grifting powers. Only time will tell.
Thank you, wise voters! Tonight is a big victory for We the People! Credit is due to the victorious candidates. Your message to President Obama is undeniably received, though he'll try to ignore it. [...]
The Democrats got mauled today, deservedly so. To prohibit that from happening to the GOP in 2016, it must learn the lesson from the last time Republicans held the Senate majority. [...]
If GOP leadership returns to business as usual, then this majority will be short lived, for We the People say, “once bitten, twice shy.”
So, establishment types, remember that you didn’t build this! This majority that swept you into power tonight is thanks to the rank and file commonsense conservative grassroots. That’s who built it. And they expect results. They deserve the best for America.
Dammit Sarah Palin, we already covered that.
What else ya been up to, Sarah? Got a vocab word for us?
Ya gotta keep learning, y'know? Keeps you young. Learn something new every day, that's something Sarah's probably never told her kids.
How about a half-century-old quotation about nihilism or whatever?
Other than that, it's been another content-lite week for Sarah Palin and her awesome new TV channel that is clearly not a TV channel. There's a video about the latest turn of events in IRSghazigate, in which a federal judge said, "But wait, Tea Party groups, you got the non-profit status you wanted," prompting the Tea Party plaintiffs to complain bitterly that yet another of their grievances proved to be imaginary.
There's also a substance-free Ask Me Anything video, complete with what we are guessing is that segment's theme song. It's this jarring, three-chord acoustic guitar thingy, and God we hate it. Here, we looped the theme a few times so you can finally let go and allow your mind to embrace the void, hope you enjoy!
The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, presented by Fartknocker, was brought to you by Fartknocker.
Follow Dan on Twitter . His ideas, his methods are beginning to become...unsound.