</div> <p>Salutations, sinners, and welcome back once more to the Snake Oil Bulletin. This week, we're traveling to the Mystical Lands of the Orient. Ancient Chinese medicine has been used for millennia to do just about anything your lily white doctor-ascared heart desires, and this week's subject is no exception. Last week we briefly mentioned the mystical powers of Chinese "slap therapy" without spending much time on the intricate ways that beating your child until he passes out and dies can cure him of his diabetus. </p><hr/><p>Let's rectify that, shall we? First up on our agenda is a penetrating insight into the world of Chinese self-abuse known as <em>paida lajin</em>. </p><p/><h2>Holy Balls, "Slap Therapy" So Much More Insane Than We Thought</h2> <p>If you followed <a href="https: //wonkette.substack.com/p/the-snake-oil-bulletin-oh-look-more-mommies-who-know-science-better-than-doctors" target="_blank">our little dog and pony show last week</a>, you'd have been introduced to the world of slap therapy, led by one Mr. Hongchi Xiao. Slap therapy hit the news-o-sphere after participants in one of Xiao's slap therapy workshops forced their 7-year-old diabetic son to stop taking his insulin and fast for three days before taking him to one of Xiao's seminars in Australia, wherein his parents and Xiao beat him until he vomited, stopped breathing, and died in his hotel room. Parents of the year, it's true, but what is slap therapy and what kind of maniac belief system would recommend not taking life-saving medicine and instead opt for beating the diabetus out? Funny you should ask. </p><p>[contextly_sidebar id="OYITjo9cfHqEh5nu3ICWQa8SW2G3J3s3"] </p><p>Slap therapy is the English name for what is known in the original Chinese as <a href="http://www.paidalajin.com/index.php?m=content&c=index&a=lists&catid=43" target="_blank">paida lajin</a> or "<a href="http://www.odditycentral.com/news/controversial-slapping-therapy-leaves-practitioners-covered-in-bruises.html" target="_blank">slap stretching</a>." The basic practice is a combination of the spiritual stretching practices of Hindu yoga with the kinky purification rituals of Catholic flagellation. Let's have <a href="http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3063478/The-shocking-claims-Chinese-slapping-therapist-leaves-clients-covered-purple-bruises-believes-breast-cancer-caused-unhappily-married.html" target="_blank">the child killer himself</a> define it: </p><p/><blockquote>Paida means slapping the body while lajin means stretching tendons. <p>The slapping and stretching methods help eliminate toxins and wastes from the body in an attempt to treat or cure illnesses. </p><p>After slapping parts of the body, patients could indicate what illnesses they have based on the colour of the bruising, which is known as a poisonous blood or toxic waste called 'Sha'. </p><p>The Sha itself also shows the body has started the reduction of body endotoxin and the treatment... </p><p>Some people will have red Sha first, and after more Paida [slapping], the colour will turn dark purple or even into dark masses.</p></blockquote> <p>If that made no sense to you, congratulations! You don't live in a world that still believes in bloodletting. </p><p>Sha is a nebulous substance in Chinese folklore that basically equates to the concept of "bad blood" from the Medieval west. Believers think that blood becomes infected with "toxins," these toxins gunk up the meridians of our chi energy pathways, and this clogging of the meridians is what leads to disease, because FUCK germ theory. Xiao claims that by unclogging these meridians, practitioners of his technique can <a href="http://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-china-32545591" target="_blank">cure themselves</a> of "colds, body pains, Alzheimer's, strokes, paralysis, kidney failure and even cancer and autism." If talk of meridians sounds familiar, it's because meridians factor into the ancient Chinese schools of reflexology and acupuncture, which in turns leads well-meaning hippies to <a href="https://wonkette.substack.com/p/the-snake-oil-bulletin-onions-probably-cure-cancer-and-aids-because-why-not">strap onions to their feet</a> in order to pull bad juju out of their spleens. Everything in this Wide World of Woo is connected. </p><p>[contextly_sidebar id="CYdmIVMYldTBsN3p5zmJ6OSBXjw2BfNK"] </p><p>Paida lajin is the sole brain child of Mr. Xiao, though he claims he was taught the technique from Buddhist and Taoist monks. A lowly investment banker by trade, Xiao claims to have received incredible insight into the body's natural healing energy by studying under these wise sages, not one of whom has ever been identified or made available for comment. What a shame. </p><p>Xiao argues that by beating the body until it bruises, bad blood is expelled from the meridians: </p><p/><blockquote>"The slapping and stretching work together to clear the meridians of blocks and help the body get rid of disease," he told <em>The Hindu</em> newspaper last month.</blockquote> <p>How the hell the blood is expelled when it never leaves the body is anyone's guess. The idea of bursting blood vessels to expel blood toxins is rather like if a sewage treatment plant decided to clean all the poo out of its waterways by breaking all the pipes. Oh well, let's see what else Xiao thinks about medicine that isn't his personal cash cow. Would you believe that a man paid some $1800 per person per workshop has a vested interested in his followers not going to other doctors? The fuck you say? It's true! Let's have a gander at some of Xiao's beliefs about that nasty old "evidence-based" Western medicine: </p><p/><blockquote>"It's called concentrated pollution, targeted pollution... Its poison, we poison ourselves by paying money," he claims. <p>In the 48 minute-long video, Xiao shows how he "diagnosis" [sic] people's illnesses by stretching their legs. </p><p>While using an American man with prostate problems to demonstrate his stretching mechanism, he claims: "I have treated 250 man [sic] with prostate problem, every single one of them has great success. How to judge them? Normally they get up at night at least four times - after doing this they get up one time."</p></blockquote> <p>I've treated all the men with prostate problems, and every single one has had great success. I'm an a amazing prostate doctor, one of the best if not THE best. You're not gonna believe the prostate problems I'll heal. Vote for m--oh sorry, reader. We got our quotes from Donald Trump mixed in by mistake. </p><p>The master kid-beater began his workshops in China, where the market for assorted ancient woos is in high demand, before progressing to Europe, Australia, and North America. Let's have a look at one of these self abuse workshops in Seattle, shall we? </p><p/><div align="center"><span style="display:block;position:relative;padding-top:56.25%;" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="902f51c7661377d8e390fc7507dcf574"><iframe lazy-loadable="true" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/DiTX3HpxAp4?rel=0" width="100%" height="auto" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" style="position:absolute;top:0;left:0;width:100%;height:100%;">
.. or because of expense. It was increases in the cost of Health Care in China that made Falun Gong so popular. If we don't do more about our own health care costs we'll see even more magical healing here as well. In fact, I'd bet that that's a major concern on the part of parents who oppose vaccination. Not autism but the cost of regular doctors and health care.
As an insulin dependent diabetic and former NIH diabetes researcher, I think you can put me in the 'No beating kids' camp of endocrinological treatment.
Pepperoni Chicken
Chop 2 cloves of garlic finely, have a green pepper and an onion.into paper hole punch sized pieces.Pound 1 chicken breast per person served (in this case 4, ~ 1 lb) flat with a metal meat tenderizer, trying to get uniform thickness.Cover flat breast with veggie mixture, then add 2 slices provalone cheeze and cover that with pepperoni slices.Roll up chicken breast and insert toothpicks to keep it togetherPut rolls in baking dish and cover in either home made or store bought marinara sauce for 35 mins at 350 degrees.Slice chicken into medallions and serve over pasta of your choice, works better with thicker, flatter pastas (linguini minimum, fettuccine optimal)
If you make sauce in large batches and freeze it, as well as make your own pasta in advance (also in large batches, you can serve 4 adults for $10 with wine (if you can find a good '3 Buck Chuck') a meal that they would gladly pay $15-20 a plate for in a restaurant. With the bird flu going on now, you can regularly get non-organic, boneless breasts for $2 or less a pound. Leftovers reheat well and make an enviable luch at work the next day!
Pro Tip: Brining the breasts in advance makes them much easier to pound flat and even
We can only imagine the investigation that opened up when one of his diabetic patients freaking died four years later.
I don't think there's even been an inquest yet. There wasn't really a lot to investigate because the fucker was on a plane out of Australia as soon as the cheques all cleared.
Don't forget the part where Hongchi Xiao claims to have orchestrated the opening ceremony for the Beijing Olympics :http://www.thehindu.com/fea...
So are you for or against beating a child to cure them of diabetes? Also, got any recipes?
Have you considered Benny Hinn?
The Neti pots actually work. They keep my sinuses nice and clean.
I've heard powdered, dried penis of Republicans from gerrymandered Tea Party districts will cure all your ails.
Hold up my two fists and say "I see you've met Jack Johnson and Tom O'Leary."
Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
Tumor?I barely knew her!
In perfect world.
Surprised there was no mention of this: http://michellephan.com/hit...
.. or because of expense. It was increases in the cost of Health Care in China that made Falun Gong so popular. If we don't do more about our own health care costs we'll see even more magical healing here as well. In fact, I'd bet that that's a major concern on the part of parents who oppose vaccination. Not autism but the cost of regular doctors and health care.
Let the VanderSSex begin!!!!!
My barista swears that lattes cure piles. It's Starbucks so it must be true!
Xiao gives "rough trade" a whole new meaning.
Because of failure to comply with a judge’s order, Homeopathy Plus! is now out to the tune of some $138,000 AU (a touch over $10K U.S.)
At today's rate, actually more like $100k. Fat fines are all very nice, but jail time would be more appropriate.
As an insulin dependent diabetic and former NIH diabetes researcher, I think you can put me in the 'No beating kids' camp of endocrinological treatment.
Pepperoni Chicken
Chop 2 cloves of garlic finely, have a green pepper and an onion.into paper hole punch sized pieces.Pound 1 chicken breast per person served (in this case 4, ~ 1 lb) flat with a metal meat tenderizer, trying to get uniform thickness.Cover flat breast with veggie mixture, then add 2 slices provalone cheeze and cover that with pepperoni slices.Roll up chicken breast and insert toothpicks to keep it togetherPut rolls in baking dish and cover in either home made or store bought marinara sauce for 35 mins at 350 degrees.Slice chicken into medallions and serve over pasta of your choice, works better with thicker, flatter pastas (linguini minimum, fettuccine optimal)
If you make sauce in large batches and freeze it, as well as make your own pasta in advance (also in large batches, you can serve 4 adults for $10 with wine (if you can find a good '3 Buck Chuck') a meal that they would gladly pay $15-20 a plate for in a restaurant. With the bird flu going on now, you can regularly get non-organic, boneless breasts for $2 or less a pound. Leftovers reheat well and make an enviable luch at work the next day!
Pro Tip: Brining the breasts in advance makes them much easier to pound flat and even
Have a great day!
We can only imagine the investigation that opened up when one of his diabetic patients freaking died four years later.
I don't think there's even been an inquest yet. There wasn't really a lot to investigate because the fucker was on a plane out of Australia as soon as the cheques all cleared.
Don't forget the part where Hongchi Xiao claims to have orchestrated the opening ceremony for the Beijing Olympics :http://www.thehindu.com/fea...
He's an equal-opportunity bullshitter.