The Three Weirdest Sisters: Fascism’s Creepy Handmaidens (Maybe) All Taking The L

Who loves to see it? You love to see it.

Photo by Kathyryn Tripp on Unsplash

In my latest article on the topic of Losing Racist Dirtbag Losers Who Lose, Hahaha
Losers, Hahaha, I would like to focus on some of the women involved in this soon-to-be-former far-right power grab. They’re suffering too, and isn’t it wonderful to watch after all their hateful behavior?

I am going to focus today on three hateful, deeply weird women who threw all their cis and trans sisters under the bus in the service of sucking up to gross, greasy authoritarians in order of creepiness: Virginia Foxx, Lauren Boebert, and Cindy Hyde-Smith.

I’ll start with Virginia Foxx, who is currently losing by a sliver of a margin that we all fervently hope will widen, so that when she finally loses we can all point and laugh at her!

Virginia Foxx (North Carolina Congressional District-5)

Foxx is basically one of those awful women with a pinched-up little mouth like a cat’s asshole who calls the cops on Black kids selling lemonade, that sort of thing. My uncle Jon made a whole Christmas movie about ladies like that!

Foxx started out doing a racist vote. In 2005, during her first term — and as people in New Orleans were still pouring buckets full of water out of their bedrooms, trying to find missing people swept away by massive flooding brought on by a broken levee system, and sleeping in stadiums — Foxx was one of 11 members of Congress to vote against a $51 billion aid package for Hurricane Katrina, and as a reporter who covered that whole mess from Houston, I can tell you that every vote against aid for Louisiana that year was done for racist reasons.

There is absolutely no lens through which you can look back at the rhetoric around Hurricane Katrina and its aftermath and conclude that aid to the state was denied for cool and awesome reasons. I said as much to Tom DeLay at the time and made his face twitch as a result, and then he went to prison for criming and proved me right, much like many others just like him are about to do, hopefully!

She’s also a “states’ rights” whackadoodle, and we all know what that means by now, and of course she’s a border conspiracist and an anti-queer marriage weirdo who actually had the fucking audacity to claim that Matthew Shepard’s horrifying, violent murder was not a hate crime! Fuck this old bitch forever!

In fact, she has a very appropriate “88%” approval rating for this session from the creeps at the Heritage Foundation, the architects of the now-failed Project 2025, ha ha ha!

So that’s how she started. Here’s how Foxx is going (suddenly very interested in “election integrity,” as though this massive blue tsunami would skip right over her after her Democratic opponent, Chuck Hubbard, declared victory):

County elections boards still must review provisional ballots, count mail-in ballots with corrected paperwork and consider military and overseas ballots arriving before the deadline.

County elections boards will meet on Tuesday to decide which provisional ballots will qualify. Provisional ballots allow people to vote when there is question about eligibility, identification or eligibility. It’s dealt with separately while election workers research the issue.

Here’s the statement she released, in part:

At my request, nonpartisan election observers under the guidance of the Committee on House Administration will be present across the 5th District as the count continues, and will serve as important, watchful eyes to ensure that this sacred process is not impeded and that all legal votes are counted in a consistent, thorough manner.

I suppose she might have a slim chance of pulling out of this and gaining a seat, but even if she does, she is now — like the rest of the handful of right-winger MAGA creeps who managed to hang on to power — fully outnumbered in the American government.

I imagine she is the not-so-distant future of the next candidate for my list.

Lauren Boebert (Colorado CD-4)

Conspiracist creep Lauren Boebert (Q-Colorado) has done a lot of gross stuff over the years, from vaping and giving handies in the theater in front of an aghast audience to spreading lies about students using litterboxes in classrooms, a hateful, disgusting lie that set the stage for attacking transgender kids and furries, which I am still not over! And let’s not forget the way she encouraged the Capitol insurrectionists. That bitch hates democracy.

And now she’s about to lose (hopefully) to Democrat Eileen Laubacher in an unexpectedly tight race in Colorado, where people have endured her for far too long.

Lest we forget what she is:

U.S. Rep. Lauren Boebert of Colorado was involved in the “beginning stages” of talks with senior White House officials that ultimately led to efforts by former President Donald Trump and his allies to decertify the 2020 election results, a former top aide told congressional investigators.

Cassidy Hutchinson, a former assistant to White House Chief of Staff Mark Meadows, identified Boebert as one of a small group of Republican lawmakers who met with Meadows as early as the last week of November 2020 to “raise the idea” of former Vice President Mike Pence intervening to prevent the certification of election results by Congress on Jan. 6, 2021. The ensuing assault on the U.S. Capitol by a mob of Trump supporters that day led to the deaths of five people and Trump’s eventual second impeachment trial.

Ohhhhh it’s all going to come out now, isn’t it. I cannot wait.

Naturally, now that she’s losing she’s suddenly become extremely interested in the mechanics of democracy! Per her campaign’s attorney, which is how you know this is going great for her:

We are investigating some very unusual voting patterns and expect this election to head to a recount, one way or another. […]

Every legal vote must be counted accurately, fully, and transparently. We will continue to investigate throughout the process to protect the integrity of this election and ensure Coloradans can have complete confidence in the results.

Unfortunately for ol’ Boebert, the margin of votes against her is currently so high that if it holds, she will have to pay for the recount out of pocket. I love this for her!

Cindy Hyde-Smith, United States Senate (Mississippi)

Our final no-lipped contender for my Three Weird (extremely derogatory) Sisters list here is the literal worst: Cindy Hyde-Smith, who is currently losing to Democratic challenger Scott Colom.

She made one of the more disgusting public debuts I have seen in a minute back in 2018, when she made “jokes” about “public hangings” and “making it harder for liberals to vote,” which she said was “proof” that “people” had no “sense” of “humor” any more, but we didn’t laugh at the time because it wasn’t funny, and eight years on is even less so.

Then a photo that she had posted to Facebook in 2014 emerged, showing her in a Confederate hat and holding a rifle. And she added commentary! Per Politico, from 2018:

“I enjoyed my tour of Beauvoir. The Jefferson Davis Home and Presidential Library located in Biloxi,” Hyde-Smith wrote. “This is a must see. Currently on display are artifacts connected to the daily life of the Confederate Soldier including weapons. Mississippi history at its best!”

The photo comes as Hyde-Smith is under fire after saying during a campaign stop earlier this month that she would gladly attend a “public hanging” if one of her supporters invited her.

She got into power anyway, very depressingly, and now seems to be on her way out of it. And in a tremendous display of the best sort of pettiness and also solidarity, Scott Colom, her Democratic opponent, was someone whose appointment she blocked in 2023, after he was nominated for a judgeship by then-President Joe Biden.

And guess why she did it!

In 2023, President Joe Biden nominated Colom, who was a district attorney at the time, to serve as a U.S. District Court Judge for the Northern District of Mississippi. However, Hyde-Smith blocked Biden’s nomination, by not submitting a “blue slip” to the U.S. Senate Judiciary Committee. In her refusal, the Republican senator cited issues with Colom’s support of transgender rights. Submitting a “blue slip” is the process by which the Senate Judiciary Committee advances a nominee for possible confirmation to a U.S. circuit or district judgeship.

So yet another lizard-lipped bigot is under political siege after voters finally decided they have had enough, and she’s currently operating off the exact same playbook as Boebert and Foxx, by suddenly caring a whooooooole bunch about election integrity. But the joke might be entirely on her in this case, because guess what Mississippi does not have? A recount law!

The silver lining here is that even if they manage to stay in power somehow, we can all take some joy in knowing that the country has smacked these anti-science, anti-democracy shitbirds down so hard they will never return to their previous levels of influence and power no matter how long they live, but I would prefer to see them completely out of politics for all time, out of spite.

May the three Weird Fash Sisters all be destroyed, for America!