615 Comments
User's avatar
Martini Glambassador's avatar

Evan's Tabs headlines are always hysterical. Here's a bit of info on the gif that goes with it today: https://open.substack.com/pub/martiniambassador/p/wellington-visits-the-belugas

Expand full comment
Birb-General of the US's avatar

BIRBS!

Expand full comment
Free beach's avatar

Birbs aren’t real. Polar science reconnaissance drone.

Expand full comment
OneYieldRegular's avatar

Very disappointed that I can't seem to find the song "Beluga" by The Bobs anywhere. I know there was some brief period when I used to sing along to that while stoned.

Expand full comment
Rosy red ASS's avatar

I actually watched that video in 2020. It was human enrichment too!

Expand full comment
Suzie Greenburg's avatar

THAT GRANDCHICK!!! SQUEEE!!

I thoroughly enjoy the animal enrichment stuff, what an amazing event.

Expand full comment
Menotsure's avatar

Why is it that belugas always look a little smug, and penguins look lost and confused.

Expand full comment
Thalia Is Not Amused's avatar

It's the caviar. Belugas let it get to their heads. 😁

Expand full comment
SkeptiKC's avatar

I just LOVE those companionable, always curious, ever so bright eyed and adorable beluga whales. They are such inquisitive, beautiful marine kings and queens.

Expand full comment
Oblio's Cap's avatar

Especially when they have bulbous bouffants!

Expand full comment
Free beach's avatar

I played fetch with one on the ocean with a piece of drift plywood. I found out later why I shouldn’t have done that. It was the most joyful day followed by incredible guilt.

Let the beluga be!

Expand full comment
avidlurker's avatar

Going through that with a red fox in our neighborhood right now. He is getting more and more curious about me and the dog, but I know it's better for all of us if I yell at him and keep him wary of humans and dogs.

Expand full comment
Free beach's avatar

Yeah they can get friendly too. But I knew better with them. And with Beluga the consequences with human interaction is very often fatal for the whale

Expand full comment
SkeptiKC's avatar

So agonizingly true!

Observe in wonder and awe from a respectful distance...but just please leave these amazing wild creatures alone.

Expand full comment
Broderie Anglaise's avatar

This cuuuuuuuuuteness needs to stop. The other day I was frantically googling away to see if Sugar Gliders made good pets and now I desperately want penguins and belugas . In another 2 weeks I expect I'll have a whole damn zoo. Which is upsetting because I don't agree with them.

Expand full comment
Linoleum von Curmudgeon, Esq.'s avatar

Stay away from the Belugas! They are the most incredibly high maintenance pets!

Take it from someone who knows!

Expand full comment
frrolfe's avatar

Stay away from the Belugas. I know, from personal experience, that they can't be trusted. They are nature's pick pockets. They run credit card scams on at least 8 continents.

Expand full comment
Martini Glambassador's avatar

Most adorable way to ruin your credit score EVER.

Expand full comment
Babe Paley's avatar

I've often thought it would be wonderful to have a penguin.

I mean, OBVIOUSLY, NO, I'm not getting a wild animal, but they're so adorable and low-key.

We watched some program where the (wild) penguins in South Africa would come into the yards of people near the beach and that might be the best way to go--I want to live near enough to penguins that they cross my yard.

Expand full comment
oblivias's avatar

I was in that town in South Africa...twice. It's Simon's Town. I loved the little penguins there and shot a lot of video of them walking around, swimming around, ignoring the sea gull that was pretending to be a penguin in order to steal their babies.

Expand full comment
Martini Glambassador's avatar

When I visited New Zealand a few years ago, we went far enough south to see penguins in the wild and stayed at a place that had a shed we couldn't visit because the penguins were living under it. They are adorable, but incredibly smelly, as the property owner lamented.

Expand full comment
Paul of Mount Pleasant's avatar

Smelly bird, oh smelly bird...

Expand full comment
Suzie Greenburg's avatar

Hmm, sounds like an ex of mine....

Expand full comment
SkeptiKC's avatar

I remember seeing a video about a gentleman who lived in New Zealand, I believe, and a penguin whom he'd aided when it was an orphaned chick returned EVERY year to visit the fellow.

Now I am obsessing about that video and will have to spend a bit of time tracking it down. It is SO adorable!

These creatures we share this big blue rock with are SO much more clever and companionable that most of us give them credit for.

Expand full comment
Suzie Greenburg's avatar

There was croc in Costa Rica a man saved, the croc became his "pet" after saving the croc from a shot to the head. Animals are intelligent. Animals have emotion. They are beautiful and to be respected.

https://crie.cr/costa-ricas-most-famous-crocodile-and-gilberto-chito/

Expand full comment
Ekim's avatar
ZorPern's avatar

That was a great little video!

Expand full comment
Martini Glambassador's avatar

So sweet!

Expand full comment
Suzie Greenburg's avatar

My heart!!!

Expand full comment
SkeptiKC's avatar

Yes!!! This is the video!!!

Thank you, thank you, thank you, Ekim! [squeals with glee like a small child]

Expand full comment
WasX's avatar

Sweet, sweet Belugas. We really do not deserve them.

Expand full comment
Free beach's avatar

Belugas are awesome! But the breath smells like fish for some reason. And yes we definitely don’t deserve them.

Expand full comment
Internet Personae's avatar

I believe Wellington when he says he met some belugas - however improbable that may be - however - I don’t believe Krusty Noel that she ever met anyone whose first language was Korean -

Expand full comment
tehbaddr's avatar

Wellington! Have that little fucker bring me my martini!

Expand full comment
Martini Glambassador's avatar

I'm right here!

Expand full comment
Wookiee Monster's avatar

I hope David Plouffe is being paid a shit ton of money to debate alternative facts with Kellyanne Conway.

Expand full comment
CJLB's avatar

Huge laughing snort: "Robert F. Kennedy Jr. has earned the coveted Kevin Spacey endorsement."

Expand full comment
ziggywiggy's avatar

More good news about Bear!

Heard from the vet with Bear's test results and he was surprised at how good they were for a 14 year old cat. He could see nothing wrong in the results. Best guess was he ate something that messed up his tummy. But he is doing so much better today.

Expand full comment
Hunk's avatar

I'm surprised Spacey was able to take time off from his busy sexual assault schedule to vouch for another gross weirdo.

Expand full comment
Aquaman, Real Estate Investor.'s avatar

This morning I am watching "Tool and Die making" a 1953 promo film about tool and die making.

Because I'm a huge engineering nerd and 50's educational film nerd too.

Has anyone done modern satire of these? Kind of like an American take on "Look Around You"?

Expand full comment
Robert Eckert's avatar

MST3K shorts are the closest to what you are seeking.

Expand full comment
Aquaman, Real Estate Investor.'s avatar

*Plouffe says some stuff about the Biden campaign*

People who know him: "He's not an asshole! I swear!"

*Plouffe starts a podcast with Kellyane Conway*

People who know him:

*Crickets*.

Expand full comment
Eva Porter's avatar

Kristi sure loves herself a gun. Maybe she just needs to put on some VR gear and kill some virtual aliens. That would sure make ME feel better!

Expand full comment
Zap's avatar

So both Spacey and Harrelson have jumped the shark. Sad.

Expand full comment
Michael Bowen's avatar

A couple of years ago there was a limited-run stage production of The Lord Of The Rings in London's West End. The production is coming to the Chicago Shakespeare Festival this summer, and I'm going to see it!

Expand full comment
Prostate of Dorian Gray's avatar

Not even a guest appearance by Paul F. Tompkins is getting me to listen to the Kelleyann podcast. Okay that isn't true, because PFT would probably tell her off and it would be funny.

Expand full comment
OG Blockhead's avatar

Trump trial going to be off the hook today. Trump lawyer Susan Necheles set to do the cross examination of Stormy Daniels. I've got $20 that says Daniels kicks the mushrooms out of her.

Expand full comment
OneYieldRegular's avatar

Yesterday's Point Reyes visit animal sighting count:

1 whale, 1 farmhouse cat, 1 coyote, 1 cormorant (fishing), 6 mule deer, 7 red-tailed hawks, 24 turkey vultures, 75 tule elk, 700 elephant seals, 10,000 cows, 8 gajillion wildflowers, and a tick.

Expand full comment
Free beach's avatar

The tick can be gravel pitted.

Expand full comment
Crystalclear12's avatar

Let me guess. The tick really stuck with you?

Expand full comment
OneYieldRegular's avatar

I was lucky, It was on my sock, and I was able to send it back to lie in waiting for another victim.

Expand full comment
YaJagoff's avatar

And a Partridge Family in a pear tree.

Expand full comment
Crip Dyke's avatar

Well! I never!

The United Methodists thing is in TABS! with nary a reference to the article I wrote about them last week! Let us fix that, because I am vain!

https://pervertjustice.substack.com/p/were-celebrating-the-united-methodist

Expand full comment
John Thorstensen's avatar

You oughta should be giving Evan a talking-to!

Expand full comment
Crip Dyke's avatar

Why I just otter!

Expand full comment
OneYieldRegular's avatar

"Did Kristi Noem REALLY meet with Kim Jong-un?"

Noem: "That anecdote will be adjusted." [pulls out and loads Cricket shooter]

Expand full comment
Daydrinking is my JOB!'s avatar

Bring a few extra shells this time.

Expand full comment