The Top 29 Things The 'D' In Paul Ryan's New Fancy Speaker Name Stands For

Obviously

HEY LADIES, big news! Paul Ryan is officially the Republican Party's nominee for new doomed speaker of the House of Representatives. (The full House will vote for him on Thursday; Democrats are expected to support the GOP's choice, if they don't die laughing first.)

And, per congressional tradition, Speaker-elect Ryan (LOL) is changing his name.Nancy Pelosi was known as "Queen Of This Motherfucker, Bitch," John Boehner was called "Alcoholic," and Denny Hastertwas known as "Is That A Gavel In Your Pocket, Or Are You Fingering 'Individual A' Right Now?" And so, Paul Ryan has chosen to become PAUL D. RYAN. Doesn't that give you a major ladyboner?

BUT WHAT DOES THE "D" STAND FOR????

Oh sure, we could look it up on Internets, but that's no fun. Let's just make shit up:

1. DIVA!!!!!!

2. Dingleberry

3. Dorkus

4. Dong-lover

5. Dildo Butter

6. Debt Ceiling

7. Dude, Zeppelin rules!

8. Duggar

9. Denny Hastert

10. Dumbass

11. Dickmouth

12. Deep Throat

13.  Didn't Want This Fucking Job Anyway 

14.  Definitely A Pussy 

15. Distillery (in honor of John Boehner)

16. Depeche Mode

17.  Dishwatergate 

18. Davis, because that's actually his middle name

19. Do You Even Lift, Bro?

20. Do I Get To Pick My Own Sex Scandal, Or Does Ways And Means Just Assign Me One?

21. Davis, because no, seriously, his middle name is "Davis"

22. Donald Trump

23. Dumpster full of jizz

24.  Dog-blower 

25.  DRUG SMOKER????? 

26. Does this Aaron Schock in my mouth make me look gay?

27. Douchebro

28. Double douchebro

29. Debbie Gibson

Congratulations, almost-Speaker Ryan. Please do be sure to make the SEX SCANDAL that inevitably drives you from office super sexxxy.

And do remember, kids, to join us later for liveblogging of the debate, which, SCIENCE FACT, is also a "D" word!

[ Politico ]