The Woke Requirement To Like Zach Bryan Has Been Canceled

Everybody go back to cramming for your Bad Bunny Spanish speaking and dancing test!

Oct 08, 2025

Bryan performing at Red Rocks in 2022, screengrab via his YouTube

SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Nothing has happened this week that requires you to like country singer Zach Bryan, not even grudgingly.

This is not like the Bad Bunny situation, where you are currently taking two-hours of Spanish per night, another hour of puertorriqueño dialect, and dance classes on the weekend so that you may be prepared for the Super Bowl, as the dictatorship of #woke requires.

Short-form spoiler: Earlier this week, it seemed like Zach Bryan — one of the hugest country stars in the world, who just broke a record for biggest ticketed concert event ever with over 112,000 tickets sold for a single show in Michigan — was about to come out with an anti-ICE anthem, and maybe a very good one at that. He released a snippet on his Instagram. It surely sounded displeased with ICE.

The apparent song title: “The Fading of the Red, White and Blue.”

But now, after days of histrionics and snowflake caterwauling from the delicate losers of MAGA, Bryan has released a clarifying statement on Insta explaining that NONONONONO! you guys you have it all wrong! He didn’t make an anti-ICE anthem or take a moral stand against fascists or Nazis or anything like that! The history books aren’t going to record him as brave or anything! He just wrote a both sides anthem about how both sides are bad and can’t we all just get along?

Yeah. That’s what we get for getting excited about snippets.

It would also be what MAGA gets for getting excited about snippets, but they’re too lobotomy-stupid to notice Bryan’s clarification. That, or they won’t be satisfied with anything less than a full apology and a brand new song about sucking an ICE agent’s cock.

New working title: “The Fellating of the Red, White and Blue.”

(Man, we do see what we did there!)

Here, have a Kristi Noem ICE Nazi Barbie meltdown, which she delivered unto MAGA podcaster Benny Johnson, who we hope isn’t being secretly paid by the Russians to post AI videos of himself dressed as Batman beating the shit out of immigrants.

“You know, I’ve heard that and listened to a little bit of it and extremely disappointed and disheartened, and actually, I hope he understands how completely disrespectful that song is, not just to law enforcement but to this country. To every single individual that has ever stood up and fought for our freedoms, he just compromised it all by putting out a product such as that, that attacks individuals who were just trying to make our streets safe. So Zach, I didn’t listen to your music. I’m happy about that today. Today that makes me very happy that I never once gave you a single penny to enrich your lifestyle if you truly believe what that song stands for. But I am going to go out and probably download some Jason Aldean songs, John Rich songs, [unclear]. Kid Rock, any of those guys. Those guys know what it means to stand up for freedom. So I’m glad I didn’t waste any money on that.”

How very completely disrespectful, to attack Nazis! Kristi Noem will not be listening to your tunes next time she decides to pull out a gun and murder a family pet, or when she’s getting airbrushed for her next Nazi Barbie Glamour Shot in front of suffering brown-skinned people!

Now ya done it, Zach Bryan!

Of course, as we noted at the top, Zach Bryan actually has not done it, but we’ll get to that in a minute.

This has been the reaction from these MAGA lunatics, though, by how dramatic they’re being you’d think Zach Bryan had openly drank a Bud Light or something. Yeah, no, that’s exactly how the mouthbreathing pigfucks have responded:

John Rich: Who's ready for the Zach Bryan-Dixie Chicks tour? Prob a huge Bud Light sponsorship for this one

Country music’s stupidest man John Rich, everyone. Rich also whined that “Nashville is full of guys like this.”

(Which is true, Nashville is full of liberals. You often find them making real, quality country music, as opposed to the manufactured, autotuned shit that’s designed to be pumped into the veins of MAGA cousinfuckers in order to separate those dipshits from their money at maximum velocity.)

The Department of Homeland Security weighed in, because of course it did, a country singer sang a song that suggested he might not love the Nazis they’re using to terrorize, kidnap, physically abuse, and disappear people with brown skin. So they dispatched DHS Spox Tricia McLaughlin, she of the big “closet lesbian soccer and/or volleyball player who goes to Liberty University” energy, who told TMZ that Bryan should “stick to ‘Pink Skies,’” which is another one of his very popular songs. Then she shared that TMZ story on her Instagram story. Then she got mad at the Daily Beast for asking her about it. “Why do you want the Assistant Secretary of Homeland Security’s opinions on a song?”

Then DHS used a different Zach Bryan song as the soundtrack to one of their Nazi terror porn videos where they brutalize people on camera so their fans have something to jack off to.

Oooookay.

Even the White House weighed in, because this is not a serious country anymore:

“While Zach Bryan wants to Open The Gates to criminal illegal aliens and has Condemned heroic ICE officers, Something in the Orange tells me a majority of Americans disagree with him and support President Trump’s great American Revival. Godspeed, Zach!” White House spokesperson Abigail Jackson said in a statement shared with Newsweek on Tuesday.

Uh huh.

Kayleigh McEnany, who was White House Nazi Barbie before she aged out of the system and passed the torch for Trump 2.0 to Karoline Leavitt, bellyached on Fox News that “in country music we are full of patriotism, pride, love for law enforcement, ICE, all of our law enforcement.” Got that? In country music, you have to love ICE Nazis, it is the rules, says Kayleigh McEnany, who has a JD from Harvard but makes far too much money pretending to be a country bumpkin Trump-loving spokeswig for fascism to drop the bit.

For more insightful MAGA reactions, click here. Are there conservatives pretending they don’t know who Zach Bryan is? Oh yes, of course.

As for the song in question, here are some lyrics from the snippet Bryan released, which sounds pretty great actually:

Didn’t wake up dead or in jail
Some out-of-town boys been giving us hell
I got some bad news
I woke up missing you
My friends are all degenerates, but they’re all I’ve got
The generational story of dropping the plot
I heard the cops came
Cocky motherfuckers, ain’t they?
And ICE is gonna come bust down your door
Try to build a house no one builds no more
But I got a telephone
Kids are all scared and all alone
The bars stopped bumping, the rock stopped rolling
The middlе fingers rising, and it won’t stop showing
Got some bad news
Thе fading of the red, white and blue

And here’s that snippet:

zachlanebryan

A post shared by @zachlanebryan

But alas, Bryan got on Instagram last night and “clarified” that he didn’t mean any of that at all, and it’s not what you think:

Bryan: zachlanebryan 20h pls fuckn read this On the "new" song: I wrote this song months ago. I posted this song three months ago as a snippet. This shows you how divisive a narrative can be when shoved down our throats through social media. This song is about how much I love this country and everyone in it more than anything. When you hear the rest of the song, you will understand the full context that hits on both sides of the aisle. Everyone using this now as a weapon is only proving how devastatingly divided we all are. We need to find our way back. I served this country, I love this country and the song itself is about all of us coming out of this divided space. I wasn't speaking as a politician or some greater-than-thou asshole, just a 29 year old man who is just as confused as everyone else. To see how much shit it stirred up makes me not only embarrassed but kind of scared. Left wing or right wing we're all one bird and American. To be clear I'm on neither of these radical sides. To all those disappointed in me on either side of whatever you believe in just know I'm trying my best too and we all say things that are misconstrued sometimes. Everyone have a great day and I love each and every one of ya!!!

Oh great, “full context that hits on both sides of the aisle.” How “devastatingly divided we all are.” He’s on “neither of these radical sides,” the side that is literally Nazis and the side that, you know, radically opposes that. Why, he’s neither fascist nor antifa(scist)!

Whatever.

In related news, MAGA losers are still out here being completely interchangeable and worthless white men about Bad Bunny, whining about “I’m not sure if it’s Mister or Miss Bunny” or maybe it’s “Da Bunny,” and House Speaker Mike Johnson wants to replace Bad Bunny with Lee Greenwood at the Super Bowl, because Mike Johnson is a Christian nationalist reject and he and his son get phone alerts when one of them falls short of the glory of God and starts rubbing their dick while looking at the internet.

But anyway, you can like Zach Bryan or not like Zach Bryan, whatever. We’re not going to act like Catturd about it, suggesting that Bryan’s “non-career is in the toilet,” ridiculously complain that he’s not talented. He has some really great songs.

You are still however required by #woke law to like Bad Bunny, so please keep doing your DA BUNNY Spanish lessons, and fuck all the rest of these people. Here are some good tips on how they speak Spanish in Puerto Rico!