We don’t think it’s an exaggeration to say we’ve never seen anything quite like the absurd meltdown right-wingers are having about Taylor Swift — who has said zero words about about the 2024 election — potentially endorsing Joe Biden and thus causing her army of Swifties to do tyranny to America, with votes.
We’ve seen right-wingers lose it, but this is on another level. It’s breathtaking, and it’s so funny. It’s clear that this is flicking directly upon some of MAGA Americans’ most exposed nerves. We don’t think we’ve ever seen them more frightened of one single human woman.
There’s a lot wrapped up in it, but the existence of Taylor Swift — and her boyfriend Travis Kelce, who pisses them off for a number of overlapping reasons — says something about their level of powerlessness in American culture, something they can’t bear to conceptualize. Swift is like a walking, breathing billionaire manifestation of the fact that they can pass all the fascist laws they want, elevate any strongmen who tickle their fancy, take away people’s very bodily autonomy — but they can’t force anybody to respect them. Or like them. Or want to fuck them. Or want to sit with them at lunch. Or simply not make fun of them on a daily basis.
These people have the world’s thirstiest desire to be the cool kids just once, and they want to matter to American culture, but we are never ever ever getting back together with them.
One more thing: The hysterics we’re witnessing, specifically regarding the voting? Haven’t celebrities influenced how people have voted before? Particularly young people? Sure. But we think Taylor Swift is too powerful and hits too close to their homes.
Remember how they used to fantasize that she was a secret Nazi like them? She wasn’t, and not only that, one gets the sense that white fascist MAGA Americans are desperately frightened that she might be the thing that makes their little angels escape from the MAGA lifestyle. We think white conservatives are shitting their pants because they’re literally scared their daughters are going to weigh the options, and having been exposed to Taylor Swift and the outside world she represents, they will realize MAGA people, including their own families, are fucking insane, and throw in their lot with the non-insane billionaire who’s actually rather normal, the one whose music gives them liiiiiiiiife, the one with the hot football boyfriend with sexual magnetism and vaccines shooting through his veins.
That’s just the surface we’ve scratched, let’s point and laugh at a new selection of these dipshits crying and weeping and wailing and gnashing their teeth about Taylor Swift, the scary lady who makes them feel like they’re nothing, because of how they’re nothing.
Sean Hannity Literally Begs Taylor Swift Not To Endorse Joe Biden
There is no overstating how frightened white loser MAGA Republicans are of Taylor Swift.
Full transcript via Mediaite:
HANNITY: Does Taylor realize the guy that they want her to endorse is a kind of stumbling, bumbling mess, doesn’t have the energy to give a 30 minute speech, let alone perform a three hour concert like she does? He also is kind of very creepy. She may want to check out those creepy videos, they’re online.
Or maybe she just bought into all the lies about conservatives and Republicans, that they are racist and sexist and homophobic and xenophobic and transphobic and Islamophobic, and Republicans and conservatives want dirty air and water, and a total ban on all abortion with no exceptions.
(That is exactly how Republicans are. They are bad people.)
HANNITY: If she believes all that, she is believing a lie, because those talking points are simply untrue. Now, I’m just saying, maybe she wants to think twice before making a decision about 2024.
Taylor Swift doesn’t need Sean Hannity’s help with literally any of this, and she definitely doesn’t need his mediocre white male ass to educate her by calling true things “lies.” (We would say he was reading the Republican Party platform verbatim, but they literally decided to go without one.) But he can go fist his own ass and cry about it if he’s upset.
Jack Pizzagate Posobiec Says Don’t Worry, They Have Taylor Swift, But We Have Kid Rock, Ted Nugent And Jon Voight
"We don’t have Taylor Swift on our side, but you know who we have? We have Kid Rock. We have Ted Nugent. We have influencers. Right? We have all these people — Jon Voight.”
Which is like saying, “They might have chocolate cake, but it’s OK, we have three turds covered in syphilis frosting, and that’s cool too.”
There is no overstating how frightened white loser MAGA Republicans are of Taylor Swift.
Benny Johnson Is Soooooooo Upset
Watch him seethe and priss and overenunciate his words as he talks about “Low information voters! Of course I’m talkin’ about Swifties! Taylor Swift fans! Who sort of worship this artist! Kind of like at random, right? Like out of the blue, suddenly Taylor Swift’s the most FAMOUS PERSON ON EARTH!”
So mad. He whines and cries about Travis Kelce, who’s endorsed by “BUD LIGHT AND PFIZER!” and says Kelce “also kind of out of the blue became this BIG TIME CELEBRITY!” His voice yelping and rising in pitch as he shouts, “SURE SEEMS PLAAAAAAAANNED!” Of course he also says the Super Bowl will be rigged for the Kansas City Chiefs, to save Joe Biden.
JOHNSON: And you'll see in October the release like a — of what will look like a hostage video or a Visiting Angels ad, right? Visiting Angels. And they'll have Joe Biden sitting there all twisted up like, you know, in a wheelchair like an eggplant with his glazed-over skin like a Krispy Kreme donut drooling out of the side of his mouth. And Taylor Swift and Mr. Bud Light Pfizer will come in and pat Grandpa on the shoulder and tell all of their brain-dead fans to go vote for him. Taylor Swift, of course, also a psy-op for the NFL wives out there, all the moms who are, like, just not really watching the games but maybe watching because of Taylor Swift. And then they tell their husbands, well, you better not vote against Trump. Because Taylor told me not to you and I saw her at the NFL game, you wouldn't want to cross your favorite team, would you?
There is no overstating how frightened white loser MAGA Republicans are of Taylor Swift.
God, this is amazing. Should we do more?
Brian Kilmeade Says It Would Be SUPER DUMB For Taylor Swift To Endorse Biden And Make HALF OF HER FANS MAD
That thing we were saying above about how these MAGA losers desperately wish they mattered to the culture, that they were relevant?
Kilmeade: “It would be the single dumbest thing a mega superstar could ever do. Why would you tell half the country that you don’t agree with them in this highly polarized time? YOU STAY OUT OF IT! Hey listen, I’m Taylor Swift, I like this guy, happens to play football for a living, I’m on the stage a lot, selling out, THAT’S IT.”
Desperate and desperately unsolicited business advice from the dumbest clump of cells on the “Fox & Friends” couch to the most powerful woman in the world, thx xoxo.
There is no overstating how frightened white loser MAGA Republicans are of Taylor Swift.
Can’t Do A Post About White Beta Cucks Without Jesse Watters!
Jesse, your job is to make white MAGA guys feel smarter than Taylor Swift. Are you up for it?
“He can’t name a Taylor Swift song, Taylor Swift can’t name a Biden policy. This relationship was engineered in a lab and with the boyfriend sponsored by Pfizer it is a match made in corporate heaven.”
Hooray! He said the lady is dumb and doesn’t know things!
How apropos for a guy who tricked his now-wife into his car by letting the air out of her tires.
In this clip, Watters, with that “don’t be the last person at the fraternity house with me after dark” look he always has in his eyes, tries to soothe the geriatric chairborne Nazis at home by saying Joe Biden seeking Taylor Swift’s endorsement “smacks of desperation,” and says it is “not the re-election strategy of a winning campaign.” Jessica Tarlov responds by asking, “Is the strategy to owe 83 million dollars for defaming a woman that you sexually assaulted?” She was just asking.
Watters has of course been a proponent of the conspiracy theory that Swift is a Pentagon psy-op.
There is no overstating how frightened white loser MAGA Republicans are of Taylor Swift.
Whither Donald Trump?
In MAGAville, Rolling Stone reports, people close to Donald Trump are talking about declaring a “holy war” on Taylor Swift. Meanwhile Trump himself is doing that thing he does where he inflates his own non-existent self-esteem by declaring that he’s more popular than Swift, his fans love him more, and that it’s obviously ridiculous she was named Time’s Person of the Year instead of him. (He is always upset about the Time Person of the Year not being him.)
One of Trump’s campaign spokespeople, a woman named Karoline Leavitt, told Benny Johnson yesterday that you shouldn’t trust Taylor Swift because “I don’t think people are going to take advice from someone who flies around on a private jet, has private security when they’re paying thousands of dollars more just to live.”
So that’s some amateur projection right there.
Bless all these people’s hearts.
Taylor Swift is going to be the thing that pushes them all over the fucking edge. And we are alive to watch it.
[Mediaite / Media Matters / CBS News / videos via Acyn / Justin Baragona / Jason Campbell]
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It was Truman that said something about popularity not really being something that politicians will ever really enjoy beyond that bestowed by their dog (well, he said it about friendship, but same point), but it's interesting to me today that "popularity" these days is the only thing keeping empty suits like Diaper Don afloat. Certainly it's not about lofty, well-stated goals or policies. And it's bizarre, because he's deeply insecure, oafish, not-very-bright, odoriferous, gauche, and deeply mock-able, but for whatever reason the cult doesn't want to see it. As far as the rest of these insecure men go, their house of cards of ego attached to the coattails of their orange god-king is just too grotesque--it would be funnier if they weren't also stochastic terrorists with giant megaphones.
Good lord. As a gay, I can confidently say that I have seen many a drama queen in my time (and, yes, been one on more than a few occasions). But bless their hearts, this beta cuck lot right here is like watching a gaggle of drag queens and PnP twinks doing a West Side Story re-enactment of the Jets and Sharks dance-off on Bourbon Street during Southern Decadence before breaking into a full-fledged Alexis and Krystle wig-snatching, champagne-slinging free-for-all.