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Here's The Definitive Science Article On Tonight's Big Cool Space Thing
Eat a dick, science magazines.
If you are not a space scientist like Wonkette, you might not even know there is a Space Thing happening tonight that you should look at. Luckily, we are a space scientist -- allegedly -- and because you read Wonkette, you will also now know about the thing.
Jupiter and Saturn, which are #ScienceFact planets , have been creeping ever closer together in the night sky (which is what you look at if you want to see space ) for a few months now. When we were in Florida at the beach at the beginning of October (don't start, it was the most COVID-compliant trip ever), we looked up each night and they were both screaming at our faces like "Hey, we are some planets!" (If you are ever looking for a just wonderful Florida beach place to go, somewhere where there is nary a high-rise in sight and just shitloads of private beachfront houses to rent, may we recommend St. George Island. The "nary a high-rise in sight" part, and just the general remoteness of it, is why you get such incredible views of stars and planets and the scientific phenomenon known as space .)
Anyway, tonight, the big science thing happens. Jupiter and Saturn have been creeping closer together, like we said, and tonight, in the southwestern sky, if it's not cloudy, and depending on where you are, some conditions apply, they might look like ONE BIG PLANET STAR. (Maybe. Space dot com is tempering some expectations on that.) Put another scientific way, Saturn and Jupiter have been getting closer and closer together, and tonight is the night they are finally going to 69 each other, on the butt. It will be a beautiful sight!
Our brother, who also reads the internet and therefore knows things, informs us that this event, called the Great Conjunction, has spawned LOTS of conspiracy theories. You see, the planets are going to appear closer together than they have in 397 years, and that always means some real shit is about to go down, unless it doesn't. Know what happened on and after July 16, 1623, last time these two planets were so close together? Not bloody much.
"Some people think the world is going to explode," our brother said, and "others think aliens are going to reveal themselves." Moreover, he said, "others think that there is going to be a glitch or changeover in our timeline because we're living in a simulation that's being projected to earth FROM Saturn."
"That's crazy," we thought, because we rewatched 2001: A Space Odyssey the other night and everybody knows the transmissions are coming from Jupiter , not Saturn , you fucking conspiracy theorist idiots . But then our brother informed us that something something "Saturn's hexagonal storm," which was discovered after that movie came out, and we got distracted and started watching "Law & Order: SVU" some more.
Point being, look at some fucking space tonight if you can, like 30 minutes after sunset-ish, because a neat thing is happening. If you can't see it outside, the Washington Post collected some links to who all is streaming the event:
Cool. NASA also has some tips for seeing the thing, on its Tumblr, yes we said its Tumblr.
Wonkette wouldn't be the renowned science journal it is if we did not also include a livestream in this post:
The Great Planet Conjunction Live Stream 5: 00PM to 6:00PM Central Time www.youtube.com
Anyway, like we said, neat space thing.
And it's probably just a neat space thing, or maybe it is the Christmas Star and baby Jesus is going to jump on it and ride to planet Earth like "Get in, bitches, we are going rapturing!" This same thing did after all happen in 7 BC three times .
Or maybe it's the apocalypse, whatever, like we care, the end.
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