A SIGN? Yesterday El Periódico reported that “Un toro y un burro macho de Etiopía mantienen una relación afectiva y sexual inédita: ‘más que una monta’.”
That’s right. A bull and a male donkey in Ethiopia are gay together. No elephants involved. And scientists are like what are you guys doing? What’s going on? Are we supposed to be attracted to this?
This is the rule now. It’s the gooooal. This is the future liberals want.
Anyway, here is your election night liveblog. Not going to update much for this hour because not many polls have closed yet, but we’ll go ahead and stick your post up. Also, we may (may) go live (live) some tonight, depending on how tired we are and what is going on! So watch out for that.
Not much to tell yet, but we won Guam!
They don’t even get to vote in the House, but fuck Republicans anyway.
Here are two things we’re going to be watching tonight to keep track of things:
This is the list of Bluesky accounts we’re following for up-to-the-minute numbers and good solid analysis. It has a good name. [Bluesky list]
This is the full guide to everything that’s up tonight, from Bolts. [Right here!]
This one tells you how every district voted in 2024, accounting for gerrymandering. [Downballot]
As of 6 p.m. ET, not much has closed, just some polls in Indiana and Kentucky. But everybody says this KY-06 race is a real good key to see what the night’s going to go like. Also IN-05.
More when we know more!
7:01: Lots of polls about to close. Georgia, South Carolina, Virginia, Vermont, the rest of Kentucky and Indiana, plus some Florida and New Hampshire. A lot obviously in there, and things are about to move real fast.
Big things to look out for besides the obvious:
FL-14: If Kathy Castor keeps her Democratic seat, Republicans may not be winning shit. FL-25: What happens with Jared Moskowitz? Does he win by a lot? South Carolina, WTF happens with Darline Graham, obv.
VA-02: Republican Jen Kiggans? She lose?
FL-27: Maria Elvira Salazar? If she lose, then we are doing BLUE WATERCANE!
Bunch of other things to keep a look at here.
AP has already called Mark Warner to be re-elected in Virginia, that was never a question.
7:21: We have no idea what to say about Florida yet, need to hear more about what’s out, but apparently David Jolly’s campaign thinks it’s gonna win. HEARSAY!
That said, on the congressional level, if these are some indicators:
Castor was one of the ones I mentioned above, under the column of “if she keeps her seat Republicans ain’t winning shit tonight.”
7:32: And now polls close in Ohio and West Virginia, with North Carolina’s deadlines extended until 8:15. Still not much to say but apparently South Carolina broke lots of voter turnout records, per Maddow!
Oh, also, UMMMM?
Also VoteHub has projected Jon Ossoff wins re-election. Expect others to follow suit quickly if they were that fast. They think he’s going to win by 10. Also NBC apparently. And we reckon that’s a good sign of a fuuuucking good night.
7:45: Whatever ultimately ends up happening in Florida, poll expert “Taniel” notes that with the counting almost done in Orange County (Orlando), Nixon wins that county 64/35. Kamala Harris won it 55/43.
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Tonight’s drinking agenda: Jameson Triple Triple Mule, hard cider, home made calzone. I’ll cobble together a Negroni if disaster unfolds.
Ohio polls close soon!