A SIGN? Yesterday El Periódico reported that “Un toro y un burro macho de Etiopía mantienen una relación afectiva y sexual inédita: ‘más que una monta’.”
That’s right. A bull and a male donkey in Ethiopia are gay together. No elephants involved. And scientists are like what are you guys doing? What’s going on? Are we supposed to be attracted to this?
This is the rule now. It’s the gooooal. This is the future liberals want.
Anyway, here is your election night liveblog. Not going to update much for this hour because not many polls have closed yet, but we’ll go ahead and stick your post up. Also, we may (may) go live (live) some tonight, depending on how tired we are and what is going on! So watch out for that.
Not much to tell yet, but we won Guam!
They don’t even get to vote in the House, but fuck Republicans anyway.
Here are two things we’re going to be watching tonight to keep track of things:
This is the list of Bluesky accounts we’re following for up-to-the-minute numbers and good solid analysis. It has a good name. [Bluesky list]
This is the full guide to everything that’s up tonight, from Bolts. [Right here!]
This one tells you how every district voted in 2024, accounting for gerrymandering. [Downballot]
As of 6 p.m. ET, not much has closed, just some polls in Indiana and Kentucky. But everybody says this KY-06 race is a real good key to see what the night’s going to go like. Also IN-05.
More when we know more!
7:01: Lots of polls about to close. Georgia, South Carolina, Virginia, Vermont, the rest of Kentucky and Indiana, plus some Florida and New Hampshire. A lot obviously in there, and things are about to move real fast.
Big things to look out for besides the obvious:
FL-14: If Kathy Castor keeps her Democratic seat, Republicans may not be winning shit. FL-25: What happens with Jared Moskowitz? Does he win by a lot? South Carolina, WTF happens with Darline Graham, obv.
VA-02: Republican Jen Kiggans? She lose?
FL-27: Maria Elvira Salazar? If she lose, then we are doing BLUE WATERCANE!
Bunch of other things to keep a look at here.
AP has already called Mark Warner to be re-elected in Virginia, that was never a question.
7:21: We have no idea what to say about Florida yet, need to hear more about what’s out, but apparently David Jolly’s campaign thinks it’s gonna win. HEARSAY!
That said, on the congressional level, if these are some indicators:
Castor was one of the ones I mentioned above, under the column of “if she keeps her seat Republicans ain’t winning shit tonight.”
7:32: And now polls close in Ohio and West Virginia, with North Carolina’s deadlines extended until 8:15. Still not much to say but apparently South Carolina broke lots of voter turnout records, per Maddow!
Oh, also, UMMMM?
Also VoteHub has projected Jon Ossoff wins re-election. Expect others to follow suit quickly if they were that fast. They think he’s going to win by 10. Also NBC apparently. And we reckon that’s a good sign of a fuuuucking good night.
7:45: Whatever ultimately ends up happening in Florida, poll expert “Taniel” notes that with the counting almost done in Orange County (Orlando), Nixon wins that county 64/35. Kamala Harris won it 55/43.
7:56: And AP calls it for Jon Ossoff.
Things in Florida getting verrrrrry close. With 99% in for wingnut MAGA lunatic Anna Paulina Luna, it looks like she might keep her seat by a half a point. To keep that in perspective, we didn’t hear anybody mention that as a possibility until like two days ago.
Oh, and Kathy Castor keeps her seat in Florida. Axios called that a “Republicans kiss their majority goodbye” if Castor holds on to that extremely gerrymandered seat.
8:02: Buncha poll closings, buncha obvious calls that you don’t need to care about, unless you had bet against Cory Booker or Ed Markey and now you lost all your money, LOL dumb idiot.
8:03: First TX numbers:
8:14: OK, Decision Desk projects FL-SEN for Ashley Moody. Don’t despair about that, please, because Angie Nixon, while awesome, was never on anybody’s real list for this to be a pickup. The fact that it’s looking like it could be a literally one-point race is WOW.
Also Decision Desk is not the final answer, we want to hear it from AP.
That said, in FL-25 people are projecting for Jared Moskowitz to win his own highly gerrymandered seat. Literally one of the ones that they redrew just so Republicans could steal it. That’s another sign we might be looking toward blue WATERCANE territory.
Decision Desk also projects Chris Pappas wins the Senate seat in New Hampshire, so that didn’t take long at all. There was a minute when people were “worried” about tha tone.
Additionally:
8:16: Presidential pantload check:
Natalie gonna be wipin’ a lot o’ ass tonight.
8:22: It has been noted that Chris Pappas will be the first openly gay man in the whole Senate. It’s also been noted that the NH race was one of the ones Republicans had a bunch of hopium about all fall long.
8:26: Polls have been all the way closed in North Carolina for 12 minutes and NBC has already projected Roy Cooper is going to the Senate. So that’s a flip. A highly expected flip, but a flip nonetheless.
8:34: Ashley Moody holds on in Florida, per NBC and AP. Again, not a reason to despair, because it wasn’t even in anyone’s column. The story is how absurdly close Angie Nixon brought it — 2.4 points right now with 95% in — and what her organizing and general awesomeness did all over the ballot.
8:37: Oh hey here’s one.
8:40: Decision Desk — again early, but hasn’t been contradicted yet tonight — projects FL-GOV for Byron Donalds. Again, not a hugely unexpected result, but man he sucks.
8:41: And South Carolina check:
Whew.
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Heh, some wiseass on Bluesky posted that they wished Mitch McConnell was alive to see this. 😆
Tonight’s drinking agenda: Jameson Triple Triple Mule, hard cider, home made calzone. I’ll cobble together a Negroni if disaster unfolds.