THIS Is The Guy They're Obsessed With? LOL. Tabs, Tues., June 3, 2025

This guy?!?! 'Kay.

Jun 03, 2025

Hi, good morning, here’s some shit we’re reading today:

So it seems like we’ve finally reached the point where America may be really ready to learn what a fucking weird loser Curtis Yarvin is. You all know him, he’s the guy white MAGA Trump tech dorks are lining up to service like he’s some kind of brilliant philosopher Jesus, who JD Vance thinks is some kind of guru. He’s the Peter Thiel acolyte and techno-fascist whose antisocial “original thoughts” about how we should replace American democracy with a techno dictatorship Republicans in DC are all fingering their own butts thinking about right now, whose “original thoughts” DOGE is kind of based on, and the New Yorker is out with a profile that really exposes what a gross creep he is. And again, also, what a loser. And how sick. And how fundamentally stupid. One factoid for you: he started to become The Way He Is because during the 2004 election, he was one of the absolute morons who believed the obvious Swift Boat lies about John Kerry. Like, that was his red pilling. LOL. Anyway, look at pictures of him and try to imagine what you think his residence might smell like. And of course, reading this new profile will help you understand what’s wrong with Vance. You Wonkette readers of course know all about him. Now it’s time to make him a national punchline, like “Elon Musk” or “JD Vance’s couch” or “TACO.” [New Yorker]

Once you’re done reading that, read Jamelle Bouie just absolutely clowning on this unfuckable dork:

And when you’re done with that, Tim Miller and Will Sommer sat down for the Bulwark to talk about how Tech Bros Worship This Weirdo. Much laughter ensues.

Yeeeeeeeah.

Speaking of these creeps, Palantir is bad. Palantir is the enemy of free society. And it sounds like large swaths of MAGA don’t like it much either! So let’s keep an eye on that and file it under “New cracks in the Trump coalition appear every day!” (Reason / Newsweek)

Do y’all remember that GRRRR ARGH frustrated middle school gym teacher meat-brained MAGA dipshit David Richardson who’s running FEMA, who on his first day was like “DON’T GET IN MY WAY, I WILL RUN RIGHT OVER YOU, BLARGH BLARGH BLARGH BLARGH STOMPY STOMPY STOMP STOMP”? (Second part of quote is our artistic rendition of what his stupid face probably looked like saying the first part, which is verbatim.) Well, what if we told you he didn’t actually know that there was such a thing as a “hurricane season”? This is what happens when you hire dumb pigs to do people jobs. [Reuters]

Surprise, the felon in the White House is blaming the horrific antisemitic attack in Boulder on Joe Biden, which is weird since Joe Biden is a well-known robot. [JoeMyGod]

If you missed my Moral High Ground column this week, oh my God I went off on these Missouri MAGA mommies who insist they didn’t vote for Trump to deport this one immigrant THEY like, who THEY think is one of the “good ones.” (Yes they did.) Ugggggggggggh fuckity fuck fuck fuck, pissed me the fuck off. (You read me for my elegant prose.) Also, my side project is officially a year old, y’all should be subscribed if you are not yet! [The Moral High Ground]

You know that thing where Satan gets guys fired from the Kennedy Center board because those guys have been so successful doing spiritual warfare Angel vs. Demon fights on their Nintendo Switch and it’s like UGH, Satan, why you gotta do that? [JoeMyGod]

Uh oh, looks like some of the biggest clients of the big law firms that lined up to eat Trump’s ass don’t trust those law firms to look out for their interests anymore. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes! [Daily Beast]

They’re going to close DuPont Circle during World Pride in DC, because the federal government is run by Handmaid’s Tale-grade Nazis now. If you are not familiar, DuPont is basically the gay capital of DC. [Washington Post]

THIS! THIS IS HOW ICE DESERVES TO BE TREATED, IN ALL SITUATIONS!

That should give you a patriotic feeling in your heart. [Newsweek]

Chicken Jorim. Yummy Korean food. Made it last night instead of finishing writing tabs in a timely manner. You should also make it while you are supposed to be doing something else! [New York Times]

All right, that’ll do. Don’t let your friends grow up to be weirdos who constantly babble about how they’re “high IQ individuals,” like Curtis Yarvin.

THIS Is The Guy They're Obsessed With? LOL. Tabs, Tues., June 3, 2025

This guy?!?! 'Kay.

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