149 Comments

In the context of this story, to me that kitten seems to be heaving a big sigh of resignation just before he rips Dennis Hastert's balls off.

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Monica Lewinski.

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Wrestling should be left to characters in "The Odyssey" and consensual players of Twister.

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Why I bet Jeebus has already forgiven him, as Hastert will undoubtedly inform us before this all goes away.

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He will pay a small fine and get a stern talking-too.

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That's quite possible. Another theory I've heard is that the payments were actually part of a private legal settlement and not technically extortion. I imagine we'll know more shortly.

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I don't know about Jeebus, son of Mammon, forgiving someone who sacrifices the moolah to someone outside the cult.

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Remember, kids: Guns don't kill people. Gay marriage does.

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If Satan were a woman it would clear up a lot of things.

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I think it's a shiba inu; pointier ears and a curlier tail than corgis have.

Not sure if it's just any old shiba or THE shiba, though.

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Maybe more alleged victims will come forward. If the alleged abuse is recent enough then there might be alleged charges filed if Hastert isn't too important to be charged with alleged crimes. Allegedly.

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‘I want you to know your secret didn’t die in there with my brother. And I want you to remember that I’m out here and that I know.’ Christ on a cracker, that gave me chills.

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At the rate we're going, I'm starting to think they should go the Transmetropolitan route and just go with a clone; Their record will be squeaky-clean on account of them being just two-years-old outside of the growth tank.

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"This is supposed to be a happy occasion."

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Hastert's comment about the allegations was "It's all Greek to me."

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Republican values make my butthole flinch.

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