This One Idiot Pretty Sure James Comey Framed Trump For All His Russian Pee Crimes

raaaaaaaain, feel it on my fingertips, see it on the windowpane, that pee's flowin' down like ...

Usually we don't bother too much with things written by dumb Trump idiots, because if you've read one, you've read them all. Every Republican pundit who ever could claim to be an intellectual jumped off the Trump train before it left the station, therefore spending a lot of time fisking the empty bags of dicks who lapdog for the president is snooze-inducing, and also not a fair fight.

But once in a while, we make an exception! There's a new dipshit manifesto out there from Trump-loving mental wizard Mollie Hemingway, who last appeared on Wonkette when she wrote a stupid article claiming that because the mainstream media has made a handful of mistakes in the last two years of reporting on the Trump-Russia scandal, that means the entire story is fake news. While her piece was clever enough to get a thumbs up from jizz-brained Kremlin pool boy Glenn Greenwald, nobody else was impressed.

But Hemingway has a NEW THEORY! And it is that James Comey briefing Donald Trump at Trump Tower to let him know about the DODGY DOSSIER was A SNEAKY TRICK, so that Leaking Comey would have an excuse to leak to the fake news lying media that he told Trump about the DODGY DOSSIER, because otherwise the fake news lying media never would have even said anything about the DODGY DOSSIER, which is funny because the damn thing had been circulating around Washington for months , and everybody who knows anybody was talking about it. If Mollie Hemingway is such a no-fun dork at parties that literally nobody in DC told her about the dossier back in the later months of 2016, well, that just sucks for her.

Hemingway:

Newly released memos written by former FBI director James Comey indicate that an early 2017 briefing for then-President-elect Donald Trump about the contents of an infamous dossier was held so it could be leaked to media outlets eager to report on the dossier’s allegations.

That is the first sentence of her piece. She states her thesis as fact, and then, in usual wingnut fashion, proceeds to make absolutely no attempt to prove it. She creates an interesting narrative in her head, though, wherein the Obama administration gave it to CNN, who refused to touch the story unless Comey briefed Trump about it, for some reason. IT IS A CONSPIRA-CAH!

... [S]omeone at a very high level in the Obama administration gave the information to CNN almost immediately [after Obama was briefed on the dossier]. CNN broke the news of the dossier and Comey’s briefing of the president just four days later. [...]

So Comey, at [DNI James] Clapper’s expressed behest, told Trump that CNN was “looking for a news hook” to publish dossier allegations. He said this in the briefing of Trump that almost immediately leaked to CNN, which provided them the very news hook they sought and needed.

Yeah, that's right, it only leaked because some top Obama person gave it to CNN and Comey briefed Trump. Other suspects include EVERYONE ELSE IN WASHINGTON IN LATE 2016, because EVERY MEDIA ORGANIZATION HAD IT.

Let's travel back in time real quick!

The existence of Christopher Steele's work that became the dossier was first revealed by David Corn at Mother Jones on October 31, 2016, and Wonkette wrote about it the next morning. Now, Corn did not write PEE TAPE! PEE TAPE! PEE TAPE! But we can personally attest to the fact that Intelligence Twitter, you know, former spies and the like, were chattering in their secret spy language the whole time about SEX TAPE! SEX TAPE! SEX TAPE! When BuzzFeed decided to publish the full dosiser, the surprise wasn't that there was a sex tape allegation, it was the specificity of it. Frankly, we're surprised the Trump campaign hadn't heard about it, but then again, they have no friends, much like Mollie Hemingway.

Hemingway, having failed to prove her point, has these Devin Nunes-approved talking points:

It wasn’t yet reported that it was used by the FBI to provide a substantial basis to wiretap at least one Trump affiliate despite the fact it was unverified.

 Not quite, madam.

It wasn’t yet reported that the product was bought and paid for as a Hillary Clinton campaign operation, or that it was secretly funded by the DNC using a law firm as a pass-through to hide its provenance in federal campaign filings.

 IT DOESN'T MATTER WHO PAID FOR THE FUCKING DOSSIER, MADAM.

It wasn’t yet reported that its author’s working relationship with the FBI was terminated because he had lied to the agency about how he wouldn’t talk to the media.

Because the FBI wasn't doing anything about what Steele was showing them! (By the way, Hemingway later refers to Steele as a "shady foreign spy," because the rotting pig turds who read her columns will never Google and learn for themselves that Steele, one of the most respected MI6 agents of the last several decades, has long worked with American intelligence and law enforcement, which is why people like John Fucking McCain took him so seriously when he uncovered the Trump-Russia conspiracy.)

If you need a chaser to the shot that is Mollie Hemingway's idiocy, her fellow wingnut welfare recipient Byron York has a theory about why Trump tried to exact a loyalty oath from Comey, and it is because Comey obviously tricked Trump by telling him about the dossier, and telling him the media knew about the dossier, and then OMG the media published the dossier, just like Comey said it might! Which just proves that Comey ...

We forget what York's conclusion is, go read it for yourself if you hate your life.

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[ The Federalist ]