Today Is National Vodka Day, And Boy Do We All Need It

Haha everything is a trash fire.

Bear (full name “Flaubert”), courtesy of our pal John!

Happy weekend!

Today is National Vodka Day, which I will likely celebrate with my traditional “tall vodka soda with a splash of cran” (I’m no Matthew Hooper, okay?), which, coincidentally, is also how I celebrate most days when I don’t feel like a gin and tonic.

Your first present today has nothing to do with anything but personally amusing me, and it is this audio of Colonel Sanders screwing up his voice-overs. If you love the Orson Welles Paul Masson Wine outtakes like I love the Orson Welles Paul Masson Wine outtakes, you will surely enjoy this as well.

I’d consider that the Colonel had perhaps been celebrating National Vodka Day himself, but he seems more like a mint julep kind of guy to me.

Today is also Rutherford B. Hayes’ birthday, a president primarily known to me as the guy who called the army on the Great Railroad Strike of 1877 and also looked a weird amount like Bronson Pinchot.

And now we do the dance of joy!

STANDING TALLLLL! ON THE WINGS OF MY DREAMS! To deploy the military against ordinary American citizens who didn’t want to see their wages cut!

Today is also the birthday of Buster Keaton, who was in several more films than Rutherford B. Hayes and therefore is more conducive to a nice little present. So, I present to you Sherlock, Jr., which I like because mystery and because I don’t recall there being any racism or Confederacy glorification in it.

Yay!

Have you been struck with a sudden urge to shower us with money and jewels? If so, we are on Substack now so you can just go ahead and click subscribe! Click click click!!

 Or if you’d just like to donate just once …

You can also join our Patreon, or buy our merch.

You can even send us paper checks to:

Wonkette
PO Box 38273
Detroit MI 48238

Talk amongst yourselves!