Be The Polish Freedom Cow You Want To See In The World!
It's an inspiring story of raw animal courage, from a courageous animal who'd prefer to remain uncooked, thank you very much. In southern Poland, a cow last week escaped handlers who were trying to load it onto a truck for transport to a slaughterhouse, broke through a metal fence, and made a mad dash for the waters of Lake Nysa. The farmer, a Mr. Lukasz, said that the cow broke the arm of one of the workers who was trying to subdue it.
As the cow swam to an island in the middle of the lake, Mr. Lukasz says he saw it dive underwater, presumably like Peyton Farquhar escaping Yankee rifle fire in "Occurrence At Owl Creek Bridge." Once she got to the island, BraveCow resisted all attempts to recapture her, so after a week Lukasz gave up and decided he'd just make sure she had a supply of food.
Oh, but there's still more bovine Freedom Run to this story:
When firefighters used a boat to get to the island, the cow swam about 50 metres to a neighbouring peninsula. Pawel Gotowski, deputy commander of the fire brigade in Nysa, said the animal was frightened but healthy. A vet called in to tranquillise the animal told Mr Lukasz he had run out of gas cartridges, and that it would take several days to get new ones.
This may not be the actual Polish freedom cow. But it might.
The stars have clearly aligned for this cow, who is no doubt over the moon at her escape. Although Lukasz said he'd considered having the cow shot, a local politician, Pawel Kukiz, said on Facebook that even though he's "not a vegetarian," he thinks the animal's "fortitude and will to fight" deserve to be repaid in kine. Therefore, he wants to buy the cow and let her live her life out in peace. He had initially suggested the cow be tranquilized and taken to a zoo in Opole, but said due to EU regulations on transfers of animals to zoos, that wouldn't be an option. So Kukiz is looking for a good alternate housing for the "cow-hero."
Do we detect a bit of gratuitous EU-bashing here? Maybe a little! (translation by Facebook)
Again, we suspect this is a random cow, not the Cow of Freedom.
The Twitter feed "Notes From Poland" points out this isn't the only cow to go rogue lately:
The linked BBC article clarifies something we thought might have just been bad computer translation in the Facebook post from the politician guy: "Limousine Cow" is perfectly accurate.
There is much to rejoice in here. The spreading Cow Rebellion in Poland, of course, as well as the bison apparently tolerating the newcomer enough to protect her from wolves, even though she remained something of an outlier. That's an impressive display of cowsterhood (but not to be confused with the porcine unity movement, Sowlidarity). And then there's the ornithologist who dutifully observed all this, Adam Zbyryt, whose name will surely live forever on the lips of children everywhere, albeit in the form of blowing raspberries. And of course, the other biologist is named Kowalczyk -- literally Polish for "check on the cows." Yes, it is possible we don't know Polish.
Sadly, notes Dr. Kowalczyk, this Freedom Cow can't be allowed to stay with her adoptive herd, since wildlife managers can't risk the chance that a domestic cow might interbreed with the wild bison, who number only about 600 animals.
So, sadly, no hybrid limousine cows, even if they'd have custom leather upholstery and a truly unique horn.
This post has been brought to you by Dad Jokes.