1752 Comments
User's avatar
Robin's avatar

Sir, that's a blackout. You got blackout drunk and drove to waffle house.

insert_something_creative's avatar

100% and he really shouldn't be serving in the administration (or driving blackout drunk!).

How many blackout drunks do they need? They already have the one running the DOD, the one who is the US Attorney for DC...

AIB's avatar

A friend of mine had, for a few years while he was in college, a form of epilepsy in which he might be, for example, walking from a classroom and in the next moment find himself in his dorm with friends a few hours later. He would have no recollection of the interim period but his friends would say he seemed okay, just a little quiet. It went away by the time I met him in law school. Could this be what Phillips is covering up with a woo woo story about teleportation?

SLY_3's avatar

He was blackout drunk.

Janet M Jensen's avatar

I understand they do have good waffles. And it sounds like he was teleported in his car. Weird.

Fifth Dentist's avatar

I don't know if I'm going to like the sequel "Being John Makkovich at Waffle House."

LOU LOU's avatar

The insane era of humanity has arrived in large part due to combined increase in narcissism and free social media. If you wanted to get attention 25 years ago you’d start something, but you depended on print media to spread your story. As a past magazine and newspaper editor I would never publish anything that was kooky or anyone that I sensed had mental health issues, and there were a few. Other than this, if I didn’t provide free media there was advertising, which is expensive. Social media is free. Social media can be deleted in a second. Not the same impact as permanently printed in paper and archived which back in the day could elevate or destroy a person’s reputation so people were much more careful what they published.

GrannysKnitting's avatar

this guy is having black outs, and no one close to him cares enough to do anything about it? or, worse, this guy is having black outs and is such a raging abusive addict that people are too frightened to get him help

beb's avatar

At my age I would like to be able to teleport directly to the bathroom when the urgency arises.

Bryan's avatar

Black out drunks teleport and time travel all the time.

Mr Beeep's avatar

I teleported me and my car 20 feet one time. Right through the car I was about to hit.

Teleportation will save your bacon yo.

diogenez's avatar

We used to call that "black outs."

James McLaren's avatar

When I read this article's headline I thought it would be some kind of metaphor. Nope. So weird.

UnionThuggery's avatar

To be fair, in my younger days, there were several times that I had been at the bar, at a concert, or hanging with friends and suddenly found myself in a Waffle House at 3am, already halfway through the All-Star breakfast.

Warren's avatar

How were the Royal Rumbles?

UnionThuggery's avatar

Never saw one. The location the next exit up had someone drive through the window into the dining area once. Only saw the aftermath, not the actual event though.

Edith Prickly's avatar

That fool has been driving while blackout drunk.

Edith Prickly's avatar

“CARDIS” - 10/10 Robyn!

Matt Rudow's avatar

In Washington, if you have a seizure the state can suspend your driver’s license until you can prove the condition is under control. Is it the same rule for teleporting? Do you need to produce a letter from a paraphysicist stating you are taking ectoplasm pills that will prevent you from suddenly teleporting while you’re behind the wheel?

Michael Bowen's avatar

I can confirm that seizures get reported and your driver's license will be suspended for a year, and that every year you have to send in a report from your neurologist that you haven't had another one.

innocentbystander's avatar

"What if he accidentally teleports somewhere naked?" etc.

These are EXACTLY the kind of questions that this Bozo ought to be asked - at length, in depth and mercilessly - winding up with "How will your teleporting superpower improve FEMA's disaster relief services in real time - if you know what I mean by 'real'? Please remember that you are under oath."