Totally Sane Chicago Bishop To Exorcise Demons From Same-Sex Marriage Bill Signing

Well hello, GAYmerica. Because the frothy LGBT agenda is being smeared all over this great land, this little mommyblog has not been reporting on every state that legalizes gay marriage, which everyone knows is like poking G-d in the eye with your dick. However, somesorcerersbishops in a ChicagocovenChurch want to get all double double toil and trouble hocus pocus on Illinois Gov. Pat Quinn.

When Quinn signs the same-sex marriage bill into law, Bishop Thomas Paprocki of the Roman Catholic Diocese of Springfield has graciously announced that he shall offer prayers for “exorcism in reparation for the sin of same-sex marriage.”

This is just the kind of reaction that New Pope was hoping for when he sought to focus less on divisive social issues, so well done Bishop Paprocki.

While exorcisms are usually reserved for Halloween movies and SNL skits, some in the Church still use it to cast out demons from people, as well as dogs that wet the carpet one too many times. But Bishop Paprocki is stepping up his exorcism game. According to the Chicago Tribune:  

An exorcism, which often refers to a rite performed on an individual, is applicable in the case of same-sex marriage because the devil can appear “in various forms of opposition to and persecution of the church,” the diocese of Springfield said in statement.

In this case, the devil has appeared in the form of civil legislation that allows two loving people to join in a civil marriage recognized by the state, which no churches will have to take part in or recognize if they don’t want to. Sneaky bastard infiltrating the church by clearly bypassing the church at every turn!

The devil has apparently been very busy recently, with Hawaii joining Illinois as the latest of the 15 or so states that recognize gay marriage. As most of the folks who write for Wonkette live in states that allow gay marriage, we can attest that our living conditions have vastly deteriorated, what with the prolific marrying of men to men; women to women; and oak trees to stop signs. Demons have free reign, all children are hedonistic athiests, prayer is banned everywhere, and priests are regularly pelted with animal poo and forced to listen to devil music like Nickleback.

For any Wonkeroos who will be in the Windy City next week, Bishop Paprocki will be opening his Hogwarts Year 3 Defense Against The Gay Arts spellbook at the Cathedral of the Immaculate Conception next Wednesday.

[ Chicago Tribune ]