Trump Adds ‘Toyotathon’ And ‘Happy Honda Days’ To List Of Banned Woke DEI Words
Reflections on yesterday's Tesla sales event at the White House.
The Washington Post had a headline about a thing that happened at the White House yesterday.
“A new role for the South Lawn of Trump’s White House: Tesla car lot,” the headline said, breezily.
“Critics said the spectacle stretched the bounds of what is ethical in the White House, with Trump openly seeking to boost the financial fortunes of Elon Musk.”
Oh really, did critics say that? Those critics must have gotten up on the wrong side of the bed yesterday, with Constitutions stuck up their cranky asses or something!
But yes, the used-car-salesman-in-chief held a car show for Tesla yesterday, but not any other brands, because none of the other car company CEOs bought him the presidency with $288 million of their own money. Also, because Tesla stock has been fully in the shithole, the amazing Tesla Takedown protests all over the country and all over the world are working, and Trump and Musk are very upset about that.
Trump had introduced his intentions to turn the White House grounds into a showroom for Elon Musk’s ugly shitty cars the previous night, by angrily explaining on Truth Social that people have been illegally boycotting Tesla, by not buying them, which was unfair, because that’s Elon’s “baby.” (Not to be confused with Elon’s 14 or 76 human prop children, who are not his “baby,” we guess.) Trump claimed he was going to buy a Tesla yesterday. He says he did buy one during his White House car show of corruption. He’s probably lying.
Sure, you betcha. Let’s go to the tape!
In the video, Donald Trump and Elon Musk are standing next to each other, two men who look like they literally just learned to stand up on their two feet, and this is their first attempt at a trip outside. Elon stood awkwardly with one of his prop children, and he wore his MAGA hat high up on top of his head like a freak who has never been taught how to put on “hat.” Did somebody at some point tell Elon — maybe his shitty mom? — that if he doesn’t wear his hat way up high on his head and leave lots of air inside it, it will suffocate his very big and important brain, therefore he mustn’t wear hats like normal men wear them?
A reporter asked Trump if he was going to buy or lease a Tesla.
“Well, I’m gonna buy. And I’m gonna buy because number one it’s a great product, as good as it gets.”
Donald Trump hates electric cars. There are hundreds of quotes and videos on the internet of Trump talking about how much he hates EVs. He thinks they can’t make it more than a few miles without having to recharge. He doesn’t understand them, because they were invented after his brain ceased being able to grasp new things.
But Trump said he was going to buy one “to make a statement.” He said the “bad news” is that he’s not allowed to drive it, even though he just loves driving cars. (Does Trump know how to drive? Fuck off.)
Elsewhere in the event (full video below) Trump said he had bought one of the ferociously ugly Cybertruck monstrosities for his granddaughter Kai. Hope it doesn’t catch fire while poor Kai is be-bopping around! Maybe she should look at a Rivian, just to be safe.
Peter Doocy of Fox News asked what Trump’s message is to people watching at home while “struggling with their retirement accounts, down at the moment, uncertainty at work,” while Trump is fucking off buying Teslas. Yes, that Peter Doocy!
So obviously Trump will be having Peter Doocy shot, or pushed out of a window, or something.
Here is Trump saying the people protesting Tesla dealerships should be labeled as domestic terrorists:
“We’re gonna catch you, and you’re gonna go through hell.”
To be fair, the question was specifically about people doing violence at Tesla dealerships. We’re sure Trump would never blur the line between mere protesters and people doing actual violence. Surely not.
(Related: House Speaker Mike Johnson, never one to miss an opportunity to get on his knees in front of Trump, has announced he will also be investigating “domestic terrorism to attack Tesla owners and their vehicles!”)
When Trump sat in one of the Teslas, he exclaimed, “Everything’s computer!”
Elon asked Trump if he wanted to drive it. A reporter egged Trump on by noting that Biden got to drive sometimes. (Joe Biden drove whenever he could get away with it.) Trump was too scared. “You think Biden could get into that car?” Trump asked, as he got out.
Yes, dipshit. Yes, he could.
By the way, if you’ve been noticing the paper in Trump’s hand, it’s because his aides made sure he had all the information he needed to be a slimy car salesman. A photographer got a picture of the side of that paper Trump was looking at:
You can watch the full video below. Trump, of course, babbled and babbled and babbled. He even promised to deport many more people like Mahmoud Khalil, and made clear it was specifically for their statements and political views, because Donald Trump is a vile totalitarian and wannabe dictator.
One thing’s for sure, these brilliant Tesla Takedown protests are working. There’s Trump lashing out and calling the boycotts ILLEGAL at the event yesterday. There’s Elon Musk lashing out and declaring that George Soros or ActBlue or some other group of surely very scary (((people))) are “funding” the anti-Tesla protests, as if it costs more than five bucks to make a sign that says “Fuck South African Apartheid Nazis” or print out some “Sell your Swasticar” fliers to hand out to Tesla owners.
The fact that people who can’t sell their Teslas are putting stickers on them to let people know they bought them before they knew what Elon was like. The fact that people pelted multiple Cybertrucks with beads at Mardi Gras, because it sparked joy for the revelers.
The fact that Tesla stock has been tanking, tanking, tanking.
It’s rallying back a bit today, of course. Maybe a bunch of MAGA Bubbas are buying Teslas to drive around on the farm because Dear Leader ordered them to. Maybe Sean Hannity’s thirsty shilling is working.
Hey, maybe Tesla has finally found its true target market: 80-year-old white supremacist MAGA men eating pudding in nursing homes.
Somehow we don’t think the actual target market for electric cars — environment-conscious liberals with money — is coming back to Tesla, especially now that there are so many other better (and better-looking) electric options on the road.
Point is, it’s getting to them, these protests, this utter hatred for this vile unelected oligarch who is serving as co-president and terrorizing his way through the US government, destroying programs and services that keep Americans alive, that give veterans healthcare, that find cures for cancer, that keep babies from starving to death in wartorn countries, and a million more things. Americans hate him.
So that was how that went, Donald Trump’s event where he used public property to try to force Americans to buy one of Elon Musk’s boner-repellent Swasti-cars. Now the CEO of that company, the man who bought his presidency, has announced he’s going to bribe him with $100 million more.
Holy Hunter Biden laptops and Hillary Clinton emails, Batman! Also, wonder how every other car company CEO is feeling today.
To end this post, it should be noted that when things are going poorly for Trump — and oh boy, they sure are, what with how everybody hates him and his tariffs are crashing the economy and and all he does is lose in court all day every day — his staff has been known to organize “Truck Days” for him, to amuse and excite him. You saw it on the campaign trail with the garbage truck and the little garbage man outfit. You saw it during his first failed presidency.
Now, TRUCK DAY has become TESLA DAY!
Here’s the full 35-minute video of Trump playing with “car” and sitting in “car” and pretending he gets to drive “car.” Yet another goddamned embarrassment for a once-great nation.
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So help me, if Shitler "buys" a Tesla, I will make it my mission to hire an entire call center in Bangalore just to relentlessly phone the White House and remind him about the car's extended warranty.
"The fact that people who can’t sell their Teslas are putting stickers on them to let people know they bought them before they knew what Elon was like."
2018. That's when he called the caver rescuers in Thailand "pedos" because they wouldn't go along with his nonsense.