Let us stipulate right off the top that James Comey sucks. He sucks because he is a Republican, or at least was for many years while the party was turning into a Nazi incubator around him. He sucks because his extremely ill-timed and unnecessary announcement that he was not reopening an investigation into Hillary Clinton’s email practices (God, so quaint) played a huge part in getting America into this Wes Craven nightmare from which we have still not escaped 10 years later. He sucks because Amazon is charging $19.99 for the Kindle edition of his last two novels, which is an absolutely ridiculous price even if we wanted to read them, which we very much do not.
BUT. That does not mean it is in any way okay for the United States government to keep hounding him with bogus felony charges for non-crimes just because Donald Trump hates him and wants to see him in handcuffs, even if it’s for something as trivial as shoplifting a Blow Pop from the checkout line at Harris Teeter. (Do not shoplift Blow Pops from the checkout line at Harris Teeter, it’s still shoplifting.)
On Monday the Trump administration announced it has filed criminal charges against Comey for a third time on a trivial nothingburger of a non-crime. This follows a failed indictment for lying to Congress and an ongoing charge for allegedly threatening Donald Trump’s life by arranging seashells in an ominous manner. That first one was dismissed because the prosecutor who brought it, nitwit Trump lawyer Lindsey Halligan, had been illegally appointed to her job. The second hasn’t been dismissed yet, but Comey’s lawyers are arguing that pursuing it is selective prosecution by the government. If anything, it is likely to get dismissed for being so galactically stupid.
But the third time, as they say, is the charm. Or at least that’s what the Department of Justice hopes, having apparently solved all other crime in America.
PREVIOUSLY!
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On Monday, an unsealed court filing revealed that the DOJ has brought charges against Comey for allegedly leaking national defense information to The New York Times back in October of 2016. How bogus is the case? It was investigated twice during Trump’s first administration, and both times the DOJ recommended against filing charges.
But this is the second Trump administration, whose motto concerning abusing the legal system is YOLO. Hence, the new charges.
How desperate is the DOJ? Desperate enough that they did not take the case to a grand jury. Instead, they filed something called an information charge, which allows prosecutors to seek an indictment from a grand jury even after the 10-year statute of limitations runs out.
Comey’s leaking allegedly occurred on October 5, 2016. The DOJ filed the information charge on October 5, 2026. We can do that math even when drunk.
On Monday afternoon, Comey released a video statement in which he sounds resigned to the continuing stupidity:
This is all silly and grotesque. But using his own Justice Department to hound his enemies on even the flimsiest of pretexts is probably the only thing that stirs Trump’s withered and sagging loins at this point in his life. And he has a sycophantic Attorney General who makes John Mitchell look like Perry Mason. It will get worse after the midterms if Republicans lose Congress and Trump’s brain continues disintegrating. He’ll probably start demanding indictments of Obama’s White House portrait for aggravated looking at him while Black.
Comey’s lawyers are going to argue this case should be dismissed on the grounds that the statute of limitations ran out. Personally, we think they should argue for dismissal based on Todd Blanche and Donald Trump being vindictive, shit-brained ogres. At this point, even the nation’s judges might go for that.
[NPR]
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All of this should have been a warning 11 years ago about the dangers of compromising your integrity in service to this lunatic dipshit.
Comey may claim until he’s blue in the face that he was being the last honest boyscout - whatever. He announced that a federal investigation was being opened into Hillary Clinton one week before the election and contrary to department policy. It dropped her consistent 5% lead in the polls to 2% which is what she won by. There is no Trump presidency without James Comey.
It’s why it’s completely futile to ever expect praise or thanks from a malignant narcissist. There is never gratitude for past achievements. There is only rage where they believe you failed them.
Which is to say I hope Nicki Minaj and Bill Maher enjoy the choices they’ve made in life.
Hey, this post is Paid Subscribers Only again - can someone please fix?