Trump And RFK Jr. Can Tell If Kids Are Autistic Just By Looking At Their Dicks

Not shedding that 'these people are fucking perverts' reputation anytime soon.

Oct 10, 2025

New science just dropped, y’all.

This isn’t going to be a long post, because as we all know about science, if it takes more than a sentence or two to explain, or if you can’t put it in a meme, then it’s probably just liberals lying.

But yeah anyway, this is an update to what we all now know as truth, namely that acah … acat … acabadonkadonk … acetaminotaur … agrabalottapussy … TYLENOL! yes Tylenol, causes autism. Never mind that autism was identified as a condition well before Tylenol hit the market. (Decades!) Donald Trump and this other guy in the Epstein Files, the chargrilled-looking crooked-faced pervert who speaks entirely in burps and loves dead animals who currently serves as the least qualified HHS secretary in American history, they say it’s Tylenol that causes it.

And you know who takes Tylenol too much? Babies who just got circumcised. They eat that shit by the fistful. And then what happens? Autisms.

Got that? It goes:

Snippy snip OUCH MY DING DONG! —> Oh look, Tylenols! —> Autisms.

That’s right, according to the scientific method, which Trump and Count Von BurpsALot explained during the Cabinet meeting yesterday, a sure sign of autism is a cut dick.

FactPostNews: RFK Jr: Children who are circumcised early have double the rate of autism, and it's highly likely because they're given Tylenol. Trump: There's a tremendous amount of of proof or evidence. I would say as a non-doctor, but I've studied this a long time

Darlings, those are exact quotes.

Robert F. Kennedy Jr. says the kids with circumcised penises get the autisms, and there’s all kinds of evidence for this. (At this point, you can hear a couple of the Trump Cabinet women say “yeah,” like they too have firsthand knowledge of which child penises cause the autisms.)

Donald Trump chimes in and clarifies that he’s saying this as a non-doctor, but he’s been studying “this” for a long time — child penises? — and he definitely has seen this in the wild. Thank you for attention to this matter!

So hey, pretty sure we can all agree that science is back in the White House, baby.

RFK Jr. inhaled the vapors of a fresh whale scrotum while he rubbed his belly, or whatever he does to conjure up the latest science news, and now he feels confident saying, based on his own knowledge of child penises — was this a special room at Jeffrey Epstein’s parties or something? — that kids who are uncut really dodged the autism bullet, yesiree hoo boy.

Also, how does Trump think he has “studied” this?

So many questions.

As is usually the case with people who Do Their Own Research late at night in their underpants on YouTube, RFK Jr. didn’t get this shit out of nowhere:

[A] widely criticized 2015 Danish report has cited a link between circumcision and autism, and theorized that the stress and pain from the procedure might be a contributing factor.
However, critics argue that the study only identified a correlation, not a causal relationship, and also contained several methodological limitations.

How does one say “Ouch my peener hurts! Oh no, I have the autism now!” in Danish?

(“Av, min penis gør ondt! Åh nej, jeg har autisme nu!” says Google translate, but Danish people might say this completely scientific and common phrase differently.)

Is it possible that there are any antisemitic undertones to what RFK sai- …

Peter Birkenhead on Facebook: What’s that you say? The practice of circumcising children early is the cause of autism? Huh. Who exactly might you have in mind there, junior? They’re playing all the hits now. (with image of "burning of Jews during Black Death" in 14th century

Funny how often antisemitism, subtle or glaring, always seems to come up with Nazi types!

Anyway, RFK Jr. also expressed dismay during the meeting that Americans aren’t taking the science pronouncements from the White House more seriously:

“This morning before I came in here, somebody showed me a TikTok video of a pregnant woman. She is an associate professor at Columbia Medical School, and she is saying ‘F Trump’ and gobbling Tylenol with her baby in her placenta,” Kennedy said, confusing the temporary organ with a uterus.

Hate it when your baby is all up in your placenta while you’re trying to gobble your Tylenols. If you had a nickel for EVERY TIME that’s happened to you.

“The level of Trump Derangement Syndrome has now left political landscapes and it is now in the realm of pathology.”

Yep, those are the pathology and syndrome presenting symptoms here.

Donald Trump also explained during the meeting that they give babies vaccines that are “twice the size of a jar like that, of a glass of water like that” — he was pointing at a large glass of water on the table — and of course, he always adds that he is not a doctor, but he just thinks it’s bad to put full glasses of vaccines into babies, and also Portland is burning down and he ended seven wars and is it time for his Nobel Peace Prize now?

No not yet?

OK.

[Daily Beast archive]

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