Trump Announces $5 Million Golden Visa Showers Program For Russian Oligarchs Who Want One
For the Russian oligarch in your life who wants to bribe you but doesn't really need an apartment in Trump Tower or a Trump property in Miami or ...
If you have been wondering hey, is there a way we could really get the Russian fancy oligarch trash to come to America, the kinds of people who will make their nesting dolls just dither themselves into dramatic Russian orgasms, the kinds of orgasms that will shake Brighton Beach and make them scream “Землетрясение!” and wonder what kind of elegant kings and queens have come to buy their tacky Mill Basin clown mansions, Donald Trump has also been thinking of that.
And he announced an Art of the Deal for fixing it yesterday!
It is a $5 million “gold” green card that really rich people can buy. White rich people. The really tacky ones who have only been to two places in America, and surprise, they are the same ones Trump goes to. The kinds of people that other rich people roll their eyes at and say ugh, fucking Russians.
“We’re going to be selling a gold card,” Trump said from the Oval Office. “You have a green card. This is a gold card. We’re going to be putting a price on that card of about $5 million and that’s going to give you green card privileges, plus it’s going to be a route to citizenship. And wealthy people will be coming into our country by buying this card.”
Extremely trash people, yes. Classless pigs. People who think Miami Beach is like literally the most elegant place on earth, OK? (No offense to Miami Beach, we personally love it but you know the type.)
Trump said they’re going on sale in TWO WEEKS. (Perhaps.) He says they’re going to sell MILLIONS of them. (Oh you betcha!)
And if you think we’re being unfair about who the target market is for this, ha ha ha, you must be some kind of MAGA pig who thinks Donald Trump is what real rich guys are like, then read this quote:
Asked whether he would consider selling the cards to Russian oligarchs, Trump responded: “Yeah, possibly. I know some Russian oligarchs that are very nice people.”
Yeah uh huh. We imagine they check in with him on a fairly regular basis, to make sure he’s doing OK and still understands his assignments. Be mighty nice for Putin back in Moscow for the handlers to be fully American.
You know, allegedly.
Trump’s clownfucking used car salesman-type Commerce secretary dude Howard Lutnick said it’s going to be the replacement for the EB-5 immigrant investor visa, which has been around since 1992 and gives investors paths to a faster citizenship if they invest in certain ways and certain amounts. The US is not the only country to have shit like this.
But of course the Trump version is just much trashier, much tackier, much more covered in one million tons of whatever passes for sex lube in Russia, probably day-old borscht.
Yes, Trump announced this the same day his administration announced that all undocumented immigrants must register in a database so they can be tracked, even children, even little babies.
Can’t imagine why people would think that thing is related to this thing, this thing is about people with white skin and that one isn’t.
The end.
[CNN]
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Trump is going to start selling indulgences to rich people so that they can crime and get away with it.
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Sorry - I have to do this more than once this morning:, just so you folks who don't live on the Great Lakes know: one of the areas that have had hiring freezes was the Great Lakes Fishery Commission, under the aegis of the US Fish and Wildlife Commission, whose job it has been since the 1950s to bring back the Great Lakes from absolute fishless status to a $5 billion dollar annual fishing and tourist industry, filled with Salmon, Lake Trout, Whitefish, and other tasty goodies. Why did it die? Sea Lamprey, a kind of eely thing with a mouthface often used in monster and science fiction horror shows (look it up). But, every year, they need to pour a liquid Lamprey killer (one they spent seven years to find, that kills Lamprey and only Lamprey) into the inlet waters where the Lamprey spawn. They need to do this in April and May. You cannot eradicate the Lamprey, but you can keep their numbers down. They attach themselves to fish and suck their blood out. Sound like anybody you know?...